Leadership skills

Extra Credit For Your Ego

I’m so proud of my daughters and their fine academic achievements. They’ve mastered the art of extra credit. Sometimes one of them will score well over 100% on a test by taking advantage of the extra credit option. Smart!

Our egos also like getting extra credit. It’s called Rescuer-Based Helping.

I see someone else in need. Perhaps they are struggling to figure out an assignment, or express anxiety about a relationship in their life. The compassionate me knows that the best thing to do is offer support, don’t try to fix it, and provide assistance only if asked. (more…)

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Training For Culture Change: Eleven Tips for Success

You’ve recognized that your culture is headed in the wrong direction, or at least could use a course correction. You’ve decided to explore outside help, perhaps from a consultant or training firm. We are very familiar with being across the table for that first conversation, and the conversations that follow. (more…)

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How To Stop Gossip In Four Easy Steps

Almost universally when we ask people about gossip, they agree that it’s harmful, agree that they should stop, but admit that they aren’t confident knowing what to do about it.

Gossip is any activity where people try to get others to justify or support them in avoiding healthy conflict.

Top situations where gossip happens

  • People aren’t honest about their feelings and ideas during a meeting, but spend time complaining to others after the meeting.
  • People seek sympathetic ears to support their negative feelings or beliefs about someone but don’t deal directly with the problem.
  • People use social media to recruit others to their camp.

(more…)

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Too Little Compassion Might Be Causing Your Fatigue

Are you tired of helping? Are you weary of carrying everyone’s burdens, being the go-to person in the office, and shouldering so much. Are you suffering from compassion fatigue?

The reason for your fatigue may lie in a misunderstanding of compassion.

  • If you are trying to help someone who doesn’t need or want your help, you aren’t practicing compassion.
  • If you are helping others in a way that creates dependence, you aren’t practicing compassion.
  • If you insert yourself to help and then get rejected or wonder why they aren’t grateful, you aren’t practicing compassion.
  • If you are putting out fires instead of addressing underling causes, you aren’t practicing compassion.

These types of helping will lead to rejection, fatigue, or frustration. It’s not the good kind of tired, like when you know you’ve made a positive and lasting difference in someone’s life.

Compassion comes from the Latin root meaning, “To suffer with.” If you are struggling instead of or in place of another person, you aren’t practicing compassion.

  • Real compassion builds confidence and competence, not dependence.
  • Real compassion lifts people up without putting someone’s dignity at risk.
  • Real compassion holds people accountable, doesn’t cover for them.

The Compassion Cycle shows the three compassion skills that can help you exert energy in way that won’t wear you out! Learn how to use these skills by clicking here.

Compassion Cycle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Check out our new book on about compassionate accountability and see how you can stop wasting energy in drama.

Copyright 2016, Next Element Consulting, LLC

CWC + Discussion GuideGet our latest book Conflict Without Casualties: A Field Guide for Leading With Compassionate Accountability. This book is the foundation for our Leading Out of Drama program, a comprehensive system for building cultures of compassionate accountability.

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Fire Your D-Level Executives

What kind of an executive team do you have around your board room table? What about inside your head?

When it’s time to make that big decision, who’s voice do you hear? What is it saying? “Don’t screw up.” “Are you sure?” What if it turns out bad?” “What if someone finds out how scared you are.” “Failure is not an option.” “You’ll get rejected if you let them see the real you.” The ones I hear in my head most often are, “What if they think it’s a dumb idea, stupid?” and “What if I missed something?” (more…)

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This Question Will Unite Or Destroy Your Party

Do you want to be justified, or do you want to be effective?

Every executive leader, board of directors, parent, coach, presidential candidate and member of congress faces this question many times a day. Which one will they choose? Which one do you choose?

? I want to be justified

  • Argue the “rightness” of your views.
  • Turn conflict into a drama battle to be won
  • Emphasize differences between you and the other side
  • View collaboration and compromise as failures
  • Blame gridlock on the other party
  • Success means: blocking the other side

? I want to be effective

  • Debate what’s best for the most people
  • Use conflict as an opportunity to create something new
  • Emphasize similarities between you and the other side
  • View collaboration and compromise as virtues
  • Share responsibility for gridlock
  • Success means: getting stuff done

Right now the GOP is at war with itself on which option to chose. One choice leads to dead ends. The other leads to the future. Effective leaders leverage a powerful suite of communication skills to lean into conflict and lead out of drama. The rest settle for justification.

Copyright 2016, Next Element Consulting, LLC,  All rights reserved

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Beyond-Drama-Book-w_reflections-and-shadowBuy Nate’s first book, Beyond Drama: Transcending

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Top Takeaways From The 2016 World Leader’s Conference: Episode 3

WorldLeadersConferenceOn March 2-3 I attended the World Leader’s Conference in West Palm Beach, FL. I was fortunate to hear and spend time with a terrific group of leaders and leadership gurus. From Tony Robbins to Ken Blanchard, Erwin McManus to John Maxwell, every minute was packed with powerful takeaways.

Ken Blanchard urged each of us to talk about and share what we learned, not let it gather dust once back in our busy lives. This is the third in a three-part series where I share with you some of the nuggets I gleaned from this experience. (more…)

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Top Takeaways From The 2016 World Leader’s Conference: Episode 2

WorldLeadersConferenceOn March 2-3 I attended the World Leader’s Conference in West Palm Beach, FL. I was fortunate to hear and spend time with a terrific group of leaders and leadership gurus. From Tony Robbins to Ken Blanchard, Erwin McManus to John Maxwell, every minute was packed with powerful takeaways.

Ken Blanchard urged each of us to talk about and share what we learned, not let it gather dust once back in our busy lives. This is the second in a three-part series where I share with you some of the nuggets I gleaned from this experience. (more…)

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Top Takeaways from the 2016 World Leader’s Conference – Episode 1

WorldLeadersConferenceThis week I attended the World Leader’s Conference in West Palm Beach, FL. I was fortunate to hear and spend time with a terrific group of leaders and leadership gurus. From Tony Robbins to Ken Blanchard, Erwin McManus to John Maxwell, every minute was packed with powerful takeaways.

Ken Blanchard urged each of us to talk about and share what we learned, not let it gather dust once back in our busy lives. So, in my next three posts I’d like to share with you some of the nuggets I gleaned from this experience. (more…)

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