Have you ever heard these phrases at work?
- I had no choice.
- You left me no option.
- Have you had a chance to review the email I sent?
- You made me angry.
- I have to move our appointment.
- If it’s not too much trouble.
- What do we want to do next?
Have you ever heard these phrases at work?
Never underestimate the power of inhibitions. How many times in your life have you been told “Don’t,” “You shouldn’t,” or “You can’t?” Did it start early in your life with a parent, caregiver, teacher, or coach? Do you remember how you felt? Did you internalize these messages? How much have those limitations inhibited you throughout your life?
I’m genuinely sorry this happened to you. It’s unfortunate that people who cared about you and wanted to protect you said these things. This is tragic.
Because you were meant to thrive. And fly. And make a ruckus.
I get a lot of requests to write about Donald Trump’s personality. Let’s start with an update to two articles I wrote in 2016 during Donald Trump’s campaign for president.
Trump is good. I mean, really good. When it comes to imposing his will on others, without their awareness or permission, Trump is one of the best I’ve ever seen in this generation. Webster defines manipulation like this:
Manipulation is to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one’s own advantage.
I admire self-aware, centered people who just seem to have it all figured out. And, sometimes they drive me crazy when they don’t DO anything about it. They act like being mindful is enough, all by itself.
Mindfulness is a powerful practice to gain awareness, accept and manage emotions, and get centered. It helps you turn and face internal experiences with openness and curiosity instead of judgment.
Call center managers from one of the nation’s largest car rental companies are using The Compassion Mindset to engage differently at work. In this video, reveal two surprisingly simple, but remarkably effective strategies they are are using to help their employees succeed.
I get more and more agitated every time I hear about a new philanthropy giving millions of dollars to a needy cause. I’m tired of another heroic act of altruism by Bill Gates. I’m done with servant leadership.
Don’t get me wrong. I admire the heck out of Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and Mother Teresa. And I try to focus every day on serving others. My problem is that these beacons of compassion have set the bar too high and created an unrealistic view of what compassion is. This is especially true in today’s complex workplace.
Leaders who practice self-less compassion are headed for burnout.
Compassion comes from the Latin root meaning “to suffer with.”
Compassion is a two-way street that sees self and others as valuable, capable, and responsible. If you compromise any one of these three, drama might be just around the corner.
We need more role models that practice the full definition of compassion. Do you know any? Will you share in the comments?
Arthur Brooks, economist and author of Love Your Enemies estimates that seven percent of the population profits from contempt. Contempt is how we feel when we view others as invaluable, incapable, and irresponsible. This is exactly the opposite of compassion.
Contempt-mongers make their living by using conflict as a weapon. They have honed the art of stoking division, emphasizing differences, inviting fear, and normalizing the degradation of anyone who gets in their way.
Conflict was never approved for use as a weapon.
Conflict is a natural consequence of diversity. Diversity is a natural and wonderful part of this world we live in. The purpose of conflict is to create, not destroy.
Conflict has been approved as a viable energy source for creating something amazing.
Compassion is the mechanism for harnessing the positive potential in conflict.
93% of the world prefers compassion.
Who is your role model in the 93%? Will you give them a shout out on this post?
Harvard social psychologist, Amy Cuddy, says people quickly size you up by answering two questions when they meet you.
Can I trust you?
Can I respect you?
Is one of these more important than the other?
I recently accompanied my mother to a doctor’s appointment. We spent an hour in the waiting room and witnessed something that is all too common in patient care and impacts everything from satisfaction to the reputation of the practice itself.
I desperately wanted to rescue the billing representative during her interaction with a patient. If I could have slipped her a script using the ORPO template we teach in our Compassion Mindset course, it would have said,
Empathy fatigue is a phrase coined by Mark Stebnicki, a professor in the Department of Addictions and Rehabilitation at East Carolina University. He explains that, “empathy fatigue results from a state of psychological, emotional, mental, physical, spiritual and occupational exhaustion that occurs as the counselors’ own wounds are continually revisited by their clients’ life stories of chronic illness, disability, trauma, grief and loss.”
Empathy fatigue is especially common in high-touch professions where empathy, care, concern, and emotional support are job duties. Although first recognized in the counseling field, empathy fatigue is gaining more recognition in corporate settings, especially in companies promoting a customer-centric and people-focused culture.
Symptoms of Empathy fatigue are described in Lynne Shallcross’ article, “Who’s taking care of Superman.”
Empathy fatigue is caused by the relentless pursuit to serve the customer coupled with a distorted understanding of compassion.
On the way to perfecting our customer-first strategy we’ve forgotten that the customer is an agent in the equation. We have accepted that we are responsible for making everything better, so we listen more, care more, empathize more, and suffer more.; so that they will have a pleasant experience, stay engaged, and buy more.
Most people believe that compassion is synonymous with empathy, altruism and kindness. That’s wrong.
The obvious answer is self-care. It’s a good step, but it’s not the full solution. The solution is to practice compassion in its fullest sense. Compassion means “to struggle with,” not “to struggle instead of.” Here’s how compassion can help you solve empathy fatigue.
Don’t shut down your heart. People are hard-wired to care about each other. And, don’t forget to also protect your heart. Bleeding-hearts don’t last very long.
Stop solving problems for people. Get them involved to take ownership over the solution. Customers are much more loyal and engaged when they take an active role in the solution. When you are doing all the emotional (and physical) work, you are undermining their capability and dignity and creating dependence.
Protect your soul by knowing your boundaries and investing in you. Without it, your tank will always be on empty. What keeps you healthy and balanced? Do it. What gives you joy? Do it. Recognize when saying “yes” means you are saying no to what keeps you healthy. You are worth as much as the person you are trying to help. When you are fatigued you aren’t helpful.
Solving empathy fatigue requires difficult conversations with yourself and with others. It’s not easy, and we have a solution.
Start your journey towards more energy and better relationships today with The Compassion Mindset course, offered regularly in a two-hour webinar format.