Openness Before Honesty: The Third Disruptive Behavioral Technology

Openness and Honesty aren’t the same thing. When leaders develop openness, they can build more connected, trusting, and productive teams.

This is part three of my three-part series on disruptive behavioral technologies that will dramatically improve relationships and results.

How do you feel when someone starts a sentence with “If I’m being totally honest,” or “May I be honest with you?” Are they lying the rest of the time? What have they been hiding?

It’s a setup. It’s a justification for them to share their opinion or feedback about you while keeping themselves conveniently out of the hot seat.

Don’t Confuse Honesty With Openness

Many people confuse honesty with openness. Honesty, if it only focuses on others, is not open at all. It’s a one-way street headed away from you. If you are honest only about information and opinions, that’s not open because it keeps things in your head, not your heart. Authentic openness means being honest with others about what’s in your heart. How are you feeling? What are you worried about? What is important to you? What keeps you up at night? Why do you care about this?

Openness Creates Psychological Safety

One reason many people choose honesty over openness is because they are afraid of being vulnerable. Openness levels the playing field by showing others you are human too. It creates a safe place where people can talk about what matters, where they are receptive to feedback, and struggle together toward positive change. People who resist openness generally resort to passive-aggressive tactics or power plays to get what they want.

Openness Is A Core Competency For Great Leadership

We’ve been tracking this phenomenon for fifteen years with thousands of people. Using our Drama Resilience Assessment, we measure three areas of leadership resilience: Openness, Resourcefulness, and Persistence. Here’s what we have found:

Leaders consistently score lowest in Openness, and the trend is even more pronounced the higher up you go on the corporate ladder. Yet the research overwhelmingly shows that openness is the most important leadership skill for building trusting, collaborative, and productive teams.

Our training, coaching, and consulting work often emphasizes openness as a primary outcome. When our clients develop their openness skills, they experience the greatest benefits.

How To Be More Open

Instead of; “If I’m being totally honest, I’d say you don’t have a chance for a promotion.”

Try; “I care about our relationship and I’m uncomfortable saying this. I don’t think you will get the promotion.” 

Instead of; “Well, I’m just being honest.”

Try; “I want you to trust me so I’m willing to answer any questions you have about this.”

Want to learn about the other two disruptive behavioral technologies?

• Disclose your motives
• Stop trying to control negative behavior

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