Happy New Year! I want to send out a heartfelt thank you to all of my subscribers. I appreciate your support, your comments, and this remarkable community of people who care about better communication and more compassion at work. In keeping with tradition, here are the most read posts from my blog in 2019.
This year I launched my new podcast, OnCompassion with Dr. Nate. Learning leadership lessons from my guests has been so rewarding.
At the end of each episode I consolidate and share my top three takeaways. Here are several leadership lessons I thought were particularly rich.
The Action Is In The Interaction – Doug Conant
Leaders have 200-400 interactions per day of less than 2-min. Your legacy as a leader will be dependent on how you handle those interactions. Life is too fragmented and dynamic to rely on traditional approaches to communication – tomorrow’s leaders have to be fluid in the small moments.
Compassion Requires Boundaries – Laura Cole
Laura’s horse, Watson, has a habit of nibbling shirts. Yet successful executives at the top of their game allow him to bite holes in their shirts because they don’t want to be mean or don’t know how to stop it. Lack of boundaries isn’t nice. It deprives others of a more healthy way to interact with us and form a meaningful relationship. And, it invites us to form negative opinions of others who seem to disrespect our wants and needs.
Vulnerability Is A Secret Weapon – Jody Horner
With help from an executive coach, coupled with her desire to make more meaningful, positive connections with people, Jody went from believing that she needed to make sure there were no chinks in her armor – being professional to a fault – to showing more of her real self at work. What she experienced was that her credibility as a leader went through the roof.
Will you help me raise awareness of OnCompassion With Dr. Nate? Subscribe, rate on iTunes, and share with your tribe. New episodes will launch every month. Thanks for your help!
Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2019
I recently interviewed Dr. Stephen Trzeciak for my podcast. Steve is the Chief of Medicine at Cooper University Health Care and author of Compassionomics: The Revolutionary Scientific Evidence The Caring Makes a Difference.
I asked Steve if there is a difference between Empathy and Compassion, since it seems a lot of people think they are the same. He answered with a quote from his co-author, Anthony Marrazzelli.
Call center managers from one of the nation’s largest car rental companies are using The Compassion Mindset to engage differently at work. In this video, reveal two surprisingly simple, but remarkably effective strategies they are are using to help their employees succeed.
I recently accompanied my mother to a doctor’s appointment. We spent an hour in the waiting room and witnessed something that is all too common in patient care and impacts everything from satisfaction to the reputation of the practice itself.
I desperately wanted to rescue the billing representative during her interaction with a patient. If I could have slipped her a script using the ORPO template we teach in our Compassion Mindset course, it would have said,
Introverts are getting more positive attention these days. Here’s a wonderful Ted Talk by Susan Cain showing the extraordinary talents and virtues introverts bring to the world.
And there’s still a big problem. Introverts have been lumped together in one big basket that does them a lot of disservice because not all introverts are the same.
There are three kinds of introverts.
Everybody has borders they want to protect. Nothing wrong with that. We all build walls to protect those borders. That’s normal.
The problem is, most of us claim borders and build walls that are a cover up for the real issues. These smoke screens serve the purpose of helping us feel justified, but aren’t effective in the long run because of the sacrifices they require.
Have you seen Bird Box? It’s become quite a phenomenon.
Everyone has a Bird Box, a warning sign that danger is approaching. We all fear what might happen if we look at the demons or bring them out into the light of day, which is why we keep things in the dark. Just like Sandra Bullock’s character in the movie, you might cover yourself to avoid looking. But everyone can see the message you are sending out.
There are six types of “birds” who squawk when danger approaches. Each one is trying to protect us from something, and copes with this danger in a unique way. Which one is yours? What can you do to soothe it?
I gotta be perfect
This bird tries to protect itself from the grief associated with loss. Loss of what should have been, a change in plans, the unexpected. Anything that represents loss of control will agitate the bird. This bird copes by trying to be perfect by over-thinking, hoping to avoid loss of control. The squawking sounds like over-explaining, over-detailing, and too many details. If this is your bird, you can soothe it by reminding yourself that it’s OK to grieve little and big losses and make adjustments. Control is an illusion anyways.
I gotta be strong
This bird tries to protect itself from autonomy, especially when they are alone and need to make independent decisions. This bird copes by withdrawing and hunkering down, as if trying to show they can tough it out. If this is your bird, you can soothe it by reminding yourself that you are capable of making decisions and asking for direction if you don’t know what to do next.
I gotta please
This bird tries to protect itself from its own shadow – anger. When others say or do mean things, this bird copes by stuffing its anger and tries to make everyone happy instead. It will even go without food and water to keep the peace. If this is your bird, you can soothe it by reminding it that healthy assertive anger is a sign that you care about relationships and it can actually bring people closer together.
I gotta try harder
This bird tries to protect itself from responsibility. It absolutely hates feeling bad, especially when it made a mistake. To cope, this bird plays dumb, trying hard to understand by just not quite getting, hoping that maybe someone will swoop in and take over responsibility. If this is your bird, you can soothe it by affirming how creative you are and how making a mistake doesn’t mean you are a mistake. You can fix it. You got this!
You gotta be strong
This bird tries to protect itself from intimacy. It gets very uncomfortable when people want to get close emotionally. This bird copes by pulling away and leaving others to fend for themselves. If necessary, it will create a diversion. If this is your bird, you can soothe it by reminding yourself that you can be self-sufficient and interdependent at the same time.
You gotta be perfect
This bird tries to protect itself from fear. It is a natural protector so it is very suspicious of anything that threatens the standards. It copes by raising the standards for everyone else, expecting perfection as a way to prevent anything bad from happening. If this is your bird, you can soothe it by reassuring yourself that you are committed, you do care deeply, and that true courage means being transparent about your fear and facing it with others.
Copyright 2019 Next Element Consulting, LLC
These six warning signs are based on the groundbreaking research by Dr. Taibi Kahler. Each one is correlated with one of the six Kahler Personality types. Discover your personality and how to communicate with all six types by attending one of our Process Communication Model seminars.
How quickly can you assess the personality of a prospect in real-time? How well do you adapt your sales strategy for their personality? Did you know that personality impacts seven critical areas of buying behavior and decision-making, and that it’s possible to figure this out within minutes of meeting someone?