Stop Trying To Control Negative Attention Behavior: The Second Disruptive Behavioral Technology

This is part two of my three-part series on disruptive behavioral technologies that will dramatically improve relationships and results.

Where Does Negative Attention Come From?

Most negative behavior is a symptom of an unmet positive need. Here’s what the science tells us; if people don’t get their needs met positively, they will attempt to get those very same needs met negatively, with or without awareness. Flip the coin over to discover the solution. If we see negative attention behavior, the most effective way to reduce or eliminate that behavior is to offer the corresponding positive need. Attempting to ignore, control, or punish negative attention behavior only makes things worse.

Here’s a metaphor. Your car runs low on fuel and the warning light comes on. Frustrated by this inconvenient “behavior” from your car, you consider a couple of different ways to make it stop. You could ignore it because if you give it attention, that just rewards negative behavior. That’s parenting 101, right? Or you could punish it. You could get out and kick the tires, or maybe yell at the warning light. I’m sure we’ve all considered or maybe even tried these options. How does it turn out?

Negative Attention Is Predictable and Reversible

Humans aren’t quite as predictable as automobiles, but with the right behavioral technology, you can get pretty darn close. If you want to explore the science, check out my book, Seeing People Through, and learn about six different negative attention patterns in humans, and the associated positive needs. I predict that you will be shocked at how obvious the patterns are when you know what to look for.

Humans have a “low fuel light” just like cars. And, when we put the right kind of fuel in, most negative behavior goes away. Embracing this reality may greatly disrupt your leadership philosophy and assumptions about how to influence behavior.

A parent told me this, about the positive impact he experienced when applying this disruptive behavioral technology with his children. He shared,

You can’t unlock a lock with a lock. You have to unlock a lock with a key.

This disruptive behavioral technology saved one of our clients $50,000 in one year by dramatically shortening their leadership meetings. In one year it saved a hospital $250,000 in turnover reduction among nurses. It has virtually eliminated behavioral problems at Muse School in California, and dramatically reduced power struggles with my children. It’s a game-changer. 

Discover Your Negative Attention Patterns and Positive Needs

You can learn about the positive needs behind your predictable negative attention patterns by purchasing the PCM Leadership Profile along with a 90-minute debrief. The insights you gain will change how you look at your behavior and your role as a leader.

Want to learn about the other two disruptive behavioral technologies?

• Disclose your motives
• Place openness before honesty

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