Everybody has borders they want to protect. Nothing wrong with that. We all build walls to protect those borders. That’s normal.
The problem is, most of us claim borders and build walls that are a cover up for the real issues. These smoke screens serve the purpose of helping us feel justified, but aren’t effective in the long run because of the sacrifices they require.
In Part 1 I outlined three of the six smokescreens we use to justify building a wall. Here are the other three.
They Don’t Like Me
This smokescreen claims others will reject me if they really get to know me, and that will prove that I am worthless. So, I build a wall of self-defeat in an effort to avoid disappointment. In the process I sacrifice self-esteem because I begin to believe I really do deserve to be rejected. The solution: Step up to your inherent worthiness, ask for what you want, and don’t let what others say define you.
They Are Boring
This smokescreen claims others are responsible for my happiness by entertaining me and taking over all responsibility. If I’m not having fun, it’s their fault! So, I build a wall of disengagement and blame, because if I don’t care, it won’t hurt. In the process I sacrifice my own creativity and spontaneity because others try to rein me in and make me be responsible. The solution: Relax, step up to the plate, take your hits, and figure it out. You are OK the way you are.
They Don’t Want Me Around
This smokescreen claims others are responsible for telling me what to do. If I don’t get direction, it’s because they forgot about me. So, I build a wall of isolation and passively wait for someone to come. In the process I sacrifice my own autonomy and imagination because I have no structure or guidance. The solution: Make the decision to get direction. You can take the next step on your own.
Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2019
This article was inspired by the groundbreaking personality research by Dr. Taibi Kahler. Each smokescreen is connected with one of the six Kahler Personality types. Learn about your personality and how be your best self by attending one of our Process Communication Model seminars.