Facts can be denied.
Facts can be spun.
Facts can be acknowledged.
But facts aren’t brutal.
That’s up to you. Facts are neither emotional nor evaluative. It’s all about perception and interpretation. (more…)
One of the most common questions I get asked is, “How do I know if our company is in distress?”
The first place to look is your policy manual. The bigger it is, the more likely you are in distress, trying to control behavior through symptom management rather than addressing the underlying cause. (more…)
With the Coronavirus outbreak, the world is on high alert. People are anxious and afraid. It’s difficult to separate fact from fear and plain talk from politics. Drama is at an all-time high.
The real impact of this crisis on you your business depends on many factors that we can’t control. But the big question is whether our response will make us part of the problem or part of the solution.
Your response to crisis either makes you part of the problem, or part of the solution.
Here are three drama-based responses to uncertainty and crisis that only make things worse, and compassionate alternatives that help you be part of the solution.
Do you shut down, believing you are helpless and avoid reality because you don’t want to face your feelings of anxiety or fear? This type of drama only magnifies irrational paranoia.
Do you swoop in trying to help everyone and masquerade as the expert? Do you feel more in control when you have advice and answers? This type of drama only creates resentment because it invites others to feel even less in control of their own destiny.
Do broad generalizations, threats, and black or white statements help you feel powerful? When you blame and attack everyone else, do you feel more confident? Sadly, this type of drama only pushes people away, the very people whom you need most to find a way through the crisis.
By using compassion, humanity can overcome the negative pull of drama and rise to our best selves, especially in times of uncertainty and crisis.
Next Element offers Virtual Training for Leading Out of Drama and implementing The Compassion Mindset. In just a couple of hours and without leaving their offices, your leaders can get training on new communication, compassion and constructive conflict tools.
Would you rather be drained or tired?
I’ve worked with hundreds of leaders who are heading towards burnout because they are drained so much of the time. Unlike being tired, being drained doesn’t go away with rest and refueling.
Being drained is perpetuated by three myths.
The Myth: Don’t make waves, don’t speak up, and avoid conflict because silence is a small price to pay to keep people happy.
The Drain: Energy wasted on things you can’t control while neglecting your own boundaries and needs.
The Compassionate Solution: Be Open. Share your real feelings without blaming anyone. It’s OK to own your stuff because you are worth it. You will be tired, but you will have self-respect.
The Myth: Give advice, fix problems, and show your expertise because we need to save people from their struggles.
The Drain: Energy is wasted on non-consensual helping which invites dependence and resentment, so you end up doing other people’s work for them. It’s a vicious cycle.
The Compassionate Solution: Be Resourceful. Get curious and meet people there they are at. Ask permission to help and treat people like they are capable. You will be tired from resisting your urge to help, and your people will begin solving their own problems.
The Myth: It’s okay to be the bad guy. Strength equals respect. Strong arm people if necessary because it’s your duty to get things done no matter what.
The Drain: Everything becomes a battle and collateral damage is the norm.
The Compassionate Solution: Be Persistent. Communicate what’s important. Be a role-model and ask people to step up. Follow through on commitments and consequences with dignity and respect. You will be tired and you will experience more ownership and loyalty.
Drained leaders spin their wheels and never recover. Tired leaders get results and sleep great. When you replace the drain of myths with compassion, it hurts so good.
2020 will be a year of great challenge and great opportunity. Division and drama are at an all time high. Globally 85% of workers are not engaged or actively disengaged at work. Yet everywhere we travel around the world, leaders tell us they are craving positive connections and authentic relationships. They are tired of the drain and want their energy back! They are looking for a better way. (more…)
Happy New Year! I want to send out a heartfelt thank you to all of my subscribers. I appreciate your support, your comments, and this remarkable community of people who care about better communication and more compassion at work. In keeping with tradition, here are the most read posts from my blog in 2019. (more…)
I recently accompanied my mother to a doctor’s appointment. We spent an hour in the waiting room and witnessed something that is all too common in patient care and impacts everything from satisfaction to the reputation of the practice itself.
I desperately wanted to rescue the billing representative during her interaction with a patient. If I could have slipped her a script using the ORPO template we teach in our Compassion Mindset course, it would have said,
Mis-communicable diseases are illnesses passed from person to person through miscommunication. That’s because miscommunication infects people with negativity; inferiority, guilt, shame, and fear. Forget the basic cases of not understanding each other. I’m talking about getting hooked, and the next thing you know, you’re under the weather. (more…)
There are three kinds of work conversations; task conversations, relationship-building conversations, and gossip.
Task conversations are the ones focused on aspects of your work; exchanging information about what’s happening, who’s doing what, when it’s due, and what’s next. These are most common between co-workers, at meetings, and between bosses and their employees. These conversations are necessary and should be done within a spirit of mutual benefit and respect. (more…)
These three leadership habits destroy culture because they support drama-based responses to conflict.
How many policies do you have that were created in response to the behavior of a few people? Rather than confront the behavior with healthy conflict, some leaders hide behind the policy. This sends the the message that we don’t trust most people and we won’t deal directly with problem behavior.
Sign up and receive our FREE “How To Stop Gossip In Four Easy Steps” PDF as well as regular tips and articles from Next Element.
It’s more than a tool for managing people; it’s a philosophy of leadership with visible behavioral guideposts for the journey. #SeeingPeopleThrough #ProcessCommunicationModel Use code SPT30 to get a 30% discount from Barrett-Koehler publishers. b.link/2f632 pic.twitter.com/Tyobt2BFqp