27 May

Personality And Compassion

By Nate Regier In Compassion, Compassionate Accountability, The Compassion Mindset /   No Comments

How compassionate are you? What are your compassion strengths and weaknesses? How does your personality impact your ability to practice compassion?

If you’ve ever completed a personality or strengths assessment, now’s the time to fetch your results and identify your signature strengths (and weaknesses).

Compassion requires three skills; openness, resourcefulness, and persistence. Openness creates a safe space where the real issues can be surfaced. Resourcefulness creates a curious space where creative problem-solving can happen. Persistence creates a consistent space where boundaries and principles are honored.

Each skill if necessary but not sufficient for full compassion. Our Compassion Cycle shows how these three skills work together, in order, to practice full compassion.

Here’s a list of typical personality-based strengths that correspond to each compassion skill.

Openness

  • Sensitive
  • Warm
  • Reflective
  • Calm
  • Spontaneous
  • Playful

Resourcefulness

  • Creative
  • Organized
  • Logical
  • Observant
  • Adaptable
  • Charming
  • Imaginative

Persistence

  • Dedicated
  • Conscientious
  • Responsible
  • Persuasive

Comparing results from your own assessment, where is the most alignment? Where is the least alignment? What areas do you need to develop to practice fuller compassion?

The good news is that any personality type can start somewhere with their strengths. The bad news is that no personality type is singularly equipped for full compassion. So we all need to stretch ourselves and learn new skills if we want to grow in compassion.

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020

Start building out your compassion skills with The Compassion Mindset online course.

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13 May

What Are You Doing With The Energy of Conflict?

By Nate Regier In Compassion, Leadership Coaching, Leadership Communication, The Compassion Mindset /  1 No Comments

Conflict is a gap between what you want and what you are experiencing.

That gap contains a lot of energy. How you use that energy is your choice. Here are four options.

You could AVOID the gap, hoping it will go away. But the energy is still there. Without intention, that energy will infect your life through rumination, sleepless nights, mental drain, and even physical symptoms. This is wasteful energy management.

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29 Apr

Has It Been Long Enough?

By Nate Regier In relationships /   2 Comments

Have you ever wished that the world would stop turning just for a while?

Well, it has. In the words of Julio Gambuto, “It’s the greatest gift ever unwrapped. Not the deaths, not the virus, but The Great Pause. It is, in a word, profound. What the crisis has given us is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to see ourselves and our country in the plainest of views. At no other time, ever in our lives, have we gotten the opportunity to see what would happen if the world simply stopped.

If we want cleaner air, we can make it happen. If we want to protect our doctors and nurses from the next virus — and protect all Americans — we can make it happen. If we want our neighbors and friends to earn a dignified income, we can make that happen. If we want millions of kids to be able to eat if suddenly their school is closed, we can make that happen.”

They say it takes about 21 days to develop new habits.

What new habits are you developing to create a better new normal?

What have you learned about yourself, your community, and your capacity that could contribute to a better world?

Has it been long enough for it to stick?

If you are still holding your breath for things to return to the way they were, maybe it hasn’t been long enough.

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020
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22 Apr

Nine Self-Permissions To Stay Healthy During Crisis

By Nate Regier In Compassion /  2 2 Comments

“We are in this together” seems to be the anthem of Covid-19. But what does it really mean? Here are nine self-permissions to help you fully experience the gift of compassion during crisis and beyond.

  • Your feelings matter. They are an important sign of how you are doing.
  • Showing vulnerability doesn’t mean you are weak. It means you deserve to be supported.
  • How someone responds to you doesn’t define you. You are valuable and your experiences are valid.
  • Your contribution matters. It’s OK to share your ideas and get creative.
  • It’s OK to ask for help. We don’t need superheros, we need partners. 
  • It’s OK to fail forward. Learning curves are everywhere. Now is the time to fail often and fail forward.
  • Your boundaries matter. The tighter we live and work, the more important this is.
  • It’s OK to say NO. That’s how you respect your own boundaries.
  • You deserve forgiveness. You will mess up under stress. Give yourself grace.

Once you get comfortable giving yourself these permissions, try giving them to others too.

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020

Want to learn more about compassionate leadership during disruption and change? Attend our free drama-resilience webinar.

 

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15 Apr

What Is Your Relationship With Time?

By Nate Regier In Emotional intelligence /   No Comments

What is your relationship with time? Are you a spender, a buyer, or a filler?

Spenders see time as a resource to be managed. They feel better when they can be productive with their time. They are possessive of time even though they can’t control it. They view lack of productivity as a waste of time. Time can easily become their master. I’m a spender, so it’s no surprise that I still haven’t experienced the “slowing down” that everyone predicted with sheltering in place during Covid-19.

Buyers see time as something that’s always getting away from them; they never have enough. They wish for more, even though they can’t control it. They are usually worried about the future and can’t enjoy the moment because time is running out.

Fillers have little respect for the value of time. They see it as something to tolerate while waiting for whatever is next. Time is a thorn in their side. Fillers are bored a lot and miss interesting opportunities right in front of them.

There is another relationship with time that brings joy and satisfaction without the downsides. Presence. When we are present with ourselves and each other, when we stop worrying about how it’s being spent, where it’s going, or what’s next, we can experience that magical moment where time stands still. Or it flies.

Either way, presence transcends the boundaries of time.

Today, make time to be present with yourself or someone else in your life. It’s a moment you won’t regret.

Register today for our FREE Drama-Resilience Compassionate Self-Care Course.

Give yourself the gift of greater presence during this time of disruption and change.

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08 Apr

Self-Compassion vs. Compassionate Self-Care

By Nate Regier In Compassion, Healthcare /   No Comments

Self-Compassion is so important. Practices such as mindfulness, self-acceptance, and presence help us stay balanced. But we need more than that to stay healthy when we are facing rapid change in our working and living conditions.

Compassionate self-care is quite different. Our definition of compassion is, “the practice of demonstrating that people are valuable, capable, and responsible.” Self-Compassion focuses mostly on the “valuable” part. Compassionate self-care is more comprehensive.

Demonstrating that you are valuable means

  • Accepting your feelings as valid, and treating them as important signs of how you are doing.
  • Identifying and naming your emotional experience.
  • Sharing how you feel with others, without any expectations.

It might sound like this…

“I’m anxious about being able to lead my team remotely right now.”

“I’m glad we are going through this together.”

“I’ve noticed I’m not sleeping as well because I keep replaying things in my head.”

Demonstrating that you are capable means

  • Trying new things and learning from mistakes.
  • Asking for the kind of information or resources that would help you most.
  • Using your past experiences, successes, skills as valuable assets right now.
  • Forgiving yourself or not being perfect or having it all figured out.

It might sound like this…

“There’s this recipe I’ve always wanted to try. What do I have to lose!”

“Will you recommend a secure video sharing service?”

“I raised two children by myself. What did I learn that I could apply now?”

Demonstrating that you are responsible means

  • Setting and reinforcing heathy boundaries around your sleep, exercise, routines, eating.
  • Serving others in a way that doesn’t drain you.
  • Apologizing and owning up when you slip up.

It might sound like this…

“I feel better when I get up at my usual time, get dressed, and act like I’m going to work.”

“I will volunteer to get groceries for two of my neighbors. That’s all.”

“I am sorry for snapping at you. I let the stress get to me instead of telling you how I felt earlier. I will be more open with you going forward.”

Would you like to learn more about compassionate self-care and get guidance from a Next Element facilitator?

Join our Free 45 minute Drama-Resilience Webinar: Compassionate Self-Care During Covid-19. Based on our Leading Out of Drama model, we will help you use compassion to keep all those energy vampires at bay!

Click here to register.

Copyright Next Element Consulting,  LLC 2020
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01 Apr

Human Doing vs. Human Being

By Nate Regier In Compassion /   13 Comments

In the new Covid-19 world everyone is going virtual. In my part of that world it’s about virtual training. I get multiple emails every day either promoting a new virtual training, giving me a free course to get up to speed, or offering to help promote my own virtual stuff. It’s hard not to make comparisons between what we are doing and what they are doing. Inevitably, I feel inadequate. Is everyone else ahead of us? Will we get on the virtual train before it leaves the station? What are we missing? I easily get overwhelmed when I let myself go there.

Back when I was a therapist, patients would often share with me their desire to fit in and their struggle with low self-esteem because what they were doing wasn’t enough compared to others. I would often encourage them with this,

You aren’t a human doing. You are a human being.

My intention was to affirm that we are unconditionally valuable because we exist, not because of our actions.

These days I could use a dose of my own therapy!

Yet in a heavily achievement-oriented society that measures worth by what we DO instead of who we are, it’s easy to feel inadequate.

Then along comes Covid-19.

Doing, as we know it, is over for now

  • No more showing off your latest brand of shoes at school.
  • No more competing for that spot on the track team.
  • No more heading to the office for a successful day’s work.
  • No more running all those errands to feel productive.
  • No more closing that big sale in record time.
  • No more go, go, go.

Younger people may have the hardest time with this since they lack perspective and they’ve grown up experiencing and expecting quick fixes to most problems. I wonder if younger countries, like America, might also struggle more with this. We (Americans) are accustomed to winning the war, defeating the enemy, innovating a solution in record time, blasting through the rubble unscathed like every Marvel movie. Although we’ve suffered plenty in our short lifetime, our perspective is relatively limited compared to many.

Being is the next frontier

Human Doings spend so much time taking action that they haven’t cultivated their skills of Being.

  • Reflection
  • Silence
  • Stillness
  • Presence
  • Mindfulness
  • Connection
  • Acceptance
  • Wisdom

I am in no way suggesting that we should back off on our efforts to contain and cure the CoronaVirus. I am suggesting that this challenge may also be a golden opportunity to rediscover what it means to be a human being.

My wife, Julie said it best;

“We need to adapt, learn and re-imagine our approach to help our clients at a time when training is not what they need, but compassion is.”

How has this crisis challenged your DOING way of life? What are you discovering about BEING a human? Will you share your comments?

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020

Are you drained by the stress and strain of the COVID-19 pandemic? Attend our FREE Compassionate Self-care webinar and get tips to keep those energy vampires at bay!

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Is this the new normal?
25 Mar

Coping With The New Normal

By Nate Regier In PCM /   1 Comment

My personality typically thrives on crisis. I am usually energized by adverse conditions and enjoy planning the solutions. For PCM-ers out there, my Base is Promoter and my Phase is Thinker. Coping with the new normal may look different for each personality.

The Coronavirus pandemic is different, not what I expected, and quite challenging for my personality. Here’s how this situation is challenging me, and what I am doing to cope.

No heroic measures needed

The solution to this crisis is to calm down, stay put, and relax. I prefer heroic measures, those big, bold moves that save the day in a short period of time. I am coping by looking for opportunities to boldly re-imagine how my business functions, and question assumptions about how I’ve been doing things in all aspects of my life.

Social Distancing

I thrive off people interactions. My favorite things are social events and keynote speaking, which have all been cancelled. I am coping by getting involved in virtual social forums where I can exchange ideas and share our message of compassion and adaptive communication.

Everyone has advice

My inbox is packed with tips for running virtual meetings, mastering Zoom, or arranging my home-office. My personality loves to know things, learn thing, and master things. So I want to read it all, and I can’t, so I get overwhelmed. I am coping by reminding myself that this thing won’t be over tomorrow, and there’s plenty of time to pick and choose what I want to learn. I am practicing what Seth Godin calls  “curating my incoming.”

Things change every day

My personality loves stability and predictability. I struggle with the loss of control associated with an ever-changing landscape and external mandates. I am coping by focusing on what I can control; like exercising, eating healthy, reading a good book that’s been sitting on my dresser, or playing games with my family.

It’s not about me

I am pretty self-centered by nature. I like my routine, my ideas, and my plans, my ecosystem. I am challenged by the increased need for connection, helping others, and doing my part to stop the spread of the virus, even if I’m not in an at-risk group. I am grateful for this opportunity to practice fuller compassion. I’m coping by setting boundaries with my kids, being available for my elderly parents, and helping my church figure out how to stay connected to their congregation virtually.

Here’s a compelling article by Otto Scharmer about how this pandemic is challenging us and also teaching us important lessons.

What about this “new normal” is challenging your way of being? How are you coping? Now, more than ever, I’d love to hear from you. Will you leave a comment?

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020

Want to join the launch team for my new PCM book, coming out in August?

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18 Mar

What Does The Dalai Lama Know About Compassionate Leadership?

By Nate Regier In Compassion, Compassionate Accountability, Uncategorized /   No Comments

Daniel Goleman has spent the last 30 years researching and developing the science of Emotional Intelligence, and is a friend of the Dalai Lama. Recently he was asked to write a book about the Dalai Lama’s compassionate approach to addressing the world’s most intractable problems. Due out in June 2020, Force for Good, is both an exploration of the science and the power of compassion and a call to action.

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