05 Aug

It’s Not About The Orange

By Nate Regier In Leadership Communication, PCM /   2 Comments

This week is launch week for our new book, Seeing People Through: Unleash Your Leadership Potential with The Process Communication Model.

PCM has changed my life, and the lives of thousands of people who have learned how to communicate with Process. Here’s a video I recorded in 2017 about how even the simplest of interactions can lead to miscommunication if we don’t pay attention to process.

Yesterday we had local elections in my town. Everyone was asking for my vote. Today I am asking for your vote in the form of buying a copy of my new book.

No matter who you lead, or your scope of authority, PCM can help you be more authentic, take better care of yourself, motivate people in positive ways, increase your agility, include others in more meaningful ways, and experience wonderful new parts of your own personality.

Get your copy today!

LIMITED TIME DISCOUNT

This week only, save 20% on the new PCM Leadership Profile. At checkout, use code SPT2020 to claim your discount and receive a live debrief with me.

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29 Jul

How Compassion Cures Viruses

By Nate Regier In Compassionate Accountability, LOD, The Compassion Mindset /   No Comments

Viruses are invisible, but the impact isn’t. A friend of mine who had Coronavirus said that after the initial headaches and body aches subsided, the most distressing symptoms were loss of taste and tingling in various parts of her body. I’m grateful that she has recovered and is doing fine now. Some aren’t so lucky.

Then there are the relationship and cultural symptoms. Fear, denial, blaming, grief, discord within communities and agencies trying to determine the best next steps. Each of us is struggling with our own strategy for dealing with this invisible virus, and how to have conversations with other about those decisions.

My daughter is getting married in less than two weeks. I’m sure you can imagine the conversations we’ve been having!

How do we reconcile the raw human side of this with our personal and collective responsibility to each other in community? How do we honor the fear while helping empower? How do we maintain our boundaries when someone else has a different standard? How do we keep channels of communication open with people who have vastly different views about what’s going on?

I’m grateful for Compassionate Accountability and the tools we’ve developed at Next Element for just these types of situations. Jamie Remsberg wrote a terrific personal account of using our Compassion formula to engage our clients around tricky boundaries. I encourage you to take a look.

We will have a vaccine before long. And while that might cure the Coronavirus, it won’t cure drama. It won’t change the challenge of having productive, healthy conflict. It won’t change the fact that leaders must facilitate safe spaces where employees can come together and solve the biggest problems for the future.

We built The Compassion Mindset and Leading Out of Drama just for this. Give us a call to upgrade your compassion skills and cure the drama virus today!

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22 Jul

Leadership At The End Of The Day

By Nate Regier In Leadership, PCM, Seeing People Through /   No Comments

Step 1

Select which questions from this list are most important for you. At the end of the day…

  • Have I used my time productively?
  • Have I accomplished important things?
  • Have I learned something useful?
  • Have I helped others become more capable?
  • Have I made a positive difference?
  • Have I advanced my values?
  • Have I acted with integrity?
  • Have I earned respect without instilling fear?
  • Have I nurtured relationships that I care about?
  • Have I taken care of me?
  • Have I asked for what I want?
  • Have I maintained my personal boundaries?
  • Did we have fun?
  • Did I make any new connections?
  • Did I discover something new and interesting?
  • Did I find a creative solution to a problem?
  • Did I take the time and space I needed to recharge?
  • Did I take time to imagine the possibilities?
  • Did I make the decisions required for my role?
  • Did I ask for direction when I needed it?
  • Have I done something exciting?
  • Did we seize opportunity?
  • Did I challenge myself?
  • Did I use my special skills to help others rise to the occasion?

Step 2

From the questions you selected as important for you, identify the ones for which you can say YES on a daily basis. Describe how you get to YES.

Step 3

If you did not answer YES to any of your important questions, describe what’s getting in your way.

Step 4

What will you do tomorrow to turn the NO answers into YES answers? What help will you ask for from others?

Step 5

Interview someone else about steps 1-4.

The foundation for leadership is arranging to get your psychological needs met every day in healthy ways. This way you can show up positive and productive and help others do the same.

At the end of the day, people who find the YES to their questions are happier and healthier. Teams who help each other find their YES are more engaged and productive.

Learn the science behind these questions in my new book, Seeing People Through: Unleash Your Leadership Potential with The Process Communication Model.

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08 Jul

Safe Doesn’t Mean Easy

By Nate Regier In Compassionate Accountability, Conflict Without Casualties, LOD /   2 Comments

I originally posted this article in 2017. Today, more than ever, we need to engage in difficult dialogue in safe ways. So I am revising and reposting my article for today’s challenges.

Is it reasonable to want a safe environment in which to live and work? Of course! Emotional, psychological, and physical safety are necessary if we want people to trust us, give their best and be transparent with us.

Don’t confuse safety with comfort, though. Safety isn’t always easy, especially during conflict.

It’s possible for me to be angry without threatening you.

I can disagree with you without undermining your dignity.

I can ask more of you without undermining your capability.

People can enforce boundaries without compromising safety.

When I disclose my pain you don’t have to take it on.

You can’t export your feelings to me. Neither can I export mine to you.

My feelings and behaviors and values are 100% my responsibility.

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01 Jul

Falling Up The Stairs: Mistaking Your Way to Excellence

By Nate Regier In Communication skills, Leadership, Leadership Communication, Leadership Development /   No Comments

When I was young I loved stairs! Going up I would try to leap over as many as I could in one giant lunge. Going down I’d hold on to the railings and see how many I could skip. One time I made it all the way down my grandmother’s staircase in two steps!

I’m grateful I’ve never had a bad accident on stairs. But I have fallen. Falling down the stairs is scary and dangerous. Falling backwards down the stairs is even worse – I’ve done that too. But what about falling up the stairs? Here’s what falling up the stairs has taught me about making mistakes.

The future meets you faster than expected. When you fall up the stairs your landing spot is closer than if you are walking on flat ground, so you hit sooner and learn quicker.

You are still making progress. When you fall up the stairs you are still ahead of where you started.

It doesn’t hurt as bad. Falling up the stairs isn’t as dangerous, and you rarely sustain long-lasting injuries.

Railings help. Having something (or someone) to hold on to boosts courage and makes it easier to get up.

What if we approached mistakes like we approach stairs. Climbing is how we make progress. Keeping it safe will get you there eventually, but that’s boring, predictable, and slow. When we get resourceful about how we climb, though, we increase our chance of making a mistake.

What if we took risks in ways that helped us fall up the stairs instead? Here are three tips for mistaking your way to excellence.

  1. Lean forward, lean in.
  2. Have your hands out, ready to respond.
  3. Pick yourself up quickly and adjust.
  4. Use your support system.

As a leader, parent, teacher, coach, mentor, or facilitator, how do you help your people fall up the stairs? You can help them get to the future faster while still making progress and minimizing the damage.

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020
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24 Jun

The Difference Between Passion, Caring, and Loving

By Nate Regier In Leadership Communication, PCM, Seeing People Through /   No Comments

Is it okay to be motivated differently towards the same goal?

Is it okay to do the right thing for different reasons?

Passion means you are motivated by your values.

“I am passionate about foster parenting because I believe every child deserves a stable household and a positive role-model.”

Caring means you are motivated by compassion for people.

“I care about foster parenting because children need the love and support of family.”

Loving means you are motivated by the novelty and enjoyment of it all.

“I love foster parenting because it’s so cool to have a new person around the house!”

Have you ever judged someone because they didn’t “care enough” like you, or weren’t “passionate enough” like you? How did that turn out?

Beware not to confuse passion, caring, and loving. They all can inspire the behavior we want, but for different reasons.

Motivation depends on the person, not the goal.

What if you could inspire different personalities towards same goals based on their natural motivators?

That’s what Seeing People Through is all about. Get yours today.

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020
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17 Jun

Three Surprisingly Simple Solutions to Common Miscommunication Challenges

By Nate Regier In Communication skills, Leadership Communication /   No Comments

Do you ever say something and the response isn’t what you expected or intended. You may think you are being clear, open, and straightforward, but what comes back suggests otherwise. The root of most miscommunication is good intentions, unintended consequences. Next time, before you escalate, get defensive or second-guess yourself, try these surprisingly simple adjustments to become a better communicator and more trusted partner.

Challenge: When you ask your partner where he or she wants to go out for dinner and you get this tentative response, “I don’t care, wherever you want to go is fine.”

Solution: Respond like this, “As long as we are together, that’s what matters most to me.”

Lesson: Some people won’t share their opinions or ideas until they feel safe enough with you and know you won’t judge them. Above all, they need to know you care about them as a person, no strings attached.

Challenge: When you ask someone a simple question and they respond with another question or, even worse, they question your motives.

Solution: Disclose your motives first, then ask your question. Example: “I am anxious about feeling prepared for the upcoming board meeting. Will you please run the current financials for me?”

Lesson: When you don’t share your motives, you invite people not to trust you. Most motives are emotional, like wanting to feel secure or confident or prepared.

Challenge: When you get honest with someone and say, “I feel like you don’t respect my boundaries…” and they get defensive.

Solution: Get rid of the word, “like” in your sentence, and own your own feelings without reference to the other person’s behavior. Example: “I feel angry and defensive right now. I interpreted your remarks to mean……”

Lesson: You are 100% responsible for your feelings. Never use “like” after a feeling because it turns it into an assumption or accusation. Never imply that someone else is to blame for your feelings.

Caution: These are behavioral solutions and they don’t address the underlying mindsets. When trying these new behaviors, you may may experience some internal struggle. That’s OK, because it means you are facing attitudes and beliefs that interfere with your ability to communicate effectively.

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020

Next Element specializes in behavioral training for more effective communication and leadership. We will help you change the behaviors and the mindsets that get in your way so that you can engage differently for breakthrough results.

Call today about training and coaching for you or your team.

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10 Jun

How To Make Your Personality More Resilient – Part 2

By Nate Regier In PCM, Seeing People Through /   No Comments

Personality science reveals that authentic emotional expression is the key to resilience during change. Taibi Kahler, PhD, originator of the Process Communication Model, discovered that humans often hunker down to avoid dealing with particular emotions. The paradox is that only by authentically experiencing these emotional issues can you unlock your personality to deal with what’s next.

Instead of hunkering down during crisis, open up and unlock the positive potential in your personality.

There are six personality types in each of us. One is primary. They all hunker down in their own way, and they all have their own emotional issue to face. I covered two of the types, Thinker and Persister, in last week’s post. Here are the other four.

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