04 Dec

Trust Money

By Nate Regier In Compassion, Leadership Communication, Leadership Development, workplace conflict /   1 Comment

I often feel indignant when people don’t give me the benefit of the doubt, or question my intentions. I know my intentions are good, even if I didn’t say it quite right or made a mistake in how I handled something. “After all we’ve been through, are you seriously questioning me?”

Here’s the hard reality.

Trust should never be assumed, and it must be earned in every interaction.

The danger of expecting that people will trust me is that I get complacent about making trust money deposits, and careless about withdrawals.

Trust Money Deposits

  • Declaring my intentions, every time
  • Listening to understand
  • Validating someone else’s experience
  • Getting curious
  • Caring about the person as much as the task
  • Following through on commitments
  • Apologizing for mistakes

Trust money deposits help support me when I do make a mistake or behave in an unexpected way.

But trust money withdrawals are very costly. Trust money takes a long time to earn, and a very short time to spend.

Trust Money Withdrawals

  • Focusing more on the task than the person
  • Discounting or redefining someone else’s experience
  • Making excuses
  • Blaming others
  • Turning conversations into competitions
  • Breaking promises
  • Minimizing your own mistakes
  • Making it personal when it doesn’t need to be

How To Keep A Positive Trust Money Account

  • Never expect someone to give you the benefit of the doubt, so leave them no doubt about your intentions.
  • Make trust money deposits in every interaction.
  • Minimize trust money withdrawals.

Compassion is the practice of demonstrating that people are valuable, capable, and responsible. Compassion builds trust.

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2019

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27 Nov

What Is The Difference Between Empathy And Compassion?

By Nate Regier In Communication skills, The Compassion Mindset /   No Comments

I recently interviewed Dr. Stephen Trzeciak for my podcast. Steve is the Chief of Medicine at Cooper University Health Care and author of Compassionomics: The Revolutionary Scientific Evidence The Caring Makes a Difference. 

I asked Steve if there is a difference between Empathy and Compassion, since it seems a lot of people think they are the same. He answered with a quote from his co-author, Anthony Marrazzelli.

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20 Nov

The Emotional End-Game

By Nate Regier In Compassion, Compassionate Accountability, Emotional intelligence, Leadership Coaching, Leadership Communication, Leadership Development, Team Leaders /   2 Comments

I do a lot of keynote presentations. I get between  45-75 minutes to engage and audience, inspire them to try something new, and give them practical nuggets they can use immediately. I’ve learned through experience that the best keynotes don’t try to cover too much material; one main message and one or two key takeaways.

I’m a guest on a lot of podcasts. Although we might cover a lot of content in 30-45 minutes, one of the most common wrap-up questions I get asked is, “What is one thing our listeners can do right away to bring more compassion to their lives?”

Here’s my answer, my one nugget that will make the biggest difference.

If you apply just one thing from my presentation or interview, do this: Disclose your emotional end-game.

Most of us want to feel happy, secure, safe, confident, connected, respected, competent, or valued. This is the emotional end-game, our emotional motives. These are OK. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel happy or connected or competent.

Much of what we do every day is in service of these motives. When they are threatened, we step up our efforts. 

Very rarely, though, do we tell anyone about them. We argue in meetings, inexplicably advocate for certain outcomes, maneuver relationships, and engage in all sorts of passive-aggressive or passive-avoidant behaviors in service of our emotional motives. All while keeping the end-game secret from others.   

Why we hide our emotional end-game

  • Afraid that others won’t care about it
  • Worry that others will reject us for it
  • Don’t believe we deserve to get it
  • We’ve trained ourselves to avoid emotions

Why it’s the right, best thing to do

  • It’s the truth, so be honest
  • It lets others help you
  • It builds trust and connection
  • It leads to better decision-making
  • It cleans up communication
  • It stops passive-aggressive and passive-avoidant behavior

Compassion means treating yourself and others as valuable, capable, and responsible. Disclosing your emotional end-game is the compassionate thing to do.

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2019
Book me to keynote your next association or company event. 
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06 Nov

Three Permissions To Increase Compassion In Your Life

By Nate Regier In Compassion, Compassionate Accountability, relationships, The Compassion Mindset /   No Comments

Never underestimate the power of inhibitions. How many times in your life have you been told “Don’t,” “You shouldn’t,” or “You can’t?” Did it start early in your life with a parent, caregiver, teacher, or coach? Do you remember how you felt? Did you internalize these messages? How much have those limitations inhibited you throughout your life?

I’m genuinely sorry this happened to you. It’s unfortunate that people who cared about you and wanted to protect you said these things. This is tragic.

Because you were meant to thrive. And fly. And make a ruckus.

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30 Oct

OnCompassion Podcast Launches!

By Nate Regier In Compassion /   No Comments

It’s finally here! My new podcast, OnCompassion with Dr. Nate is going live this month and I couldn’t be more thrilled.

Here’s what I said in the video:

Over the past year at Next Element we’ve really gained a lot of clarity around our purpose, which is to bring more compassion to every workplace around the world.

Our team at Next Element aren’t the only ones who care about compassion at work. When you look around there are so many incredible companies and leaders who are embracing real compassion not just because it’s the right thing to do, but also because it’s a lever for business success.

With this podcast I want to magnify the voices and wisdom of these leaders and give hope to anyone who is trying to combat the division and negativity so prevalent in our world today.

I spoke with Jody Horner, former CEO of Cargill Meat Solutions about the power of vulnerability in leadership.

Doug Conant shared how he turned around a failing Campbell’s Soup company by being tough-minded with standards, but tenderhearted with people.

Millie Ward shared the powerful compassion principles behind the success of her marketing firm, Stone Ward, that was recognized as one of Inc’ Magazine’s best places to work.

These are just a few of the guests I’ve already interviewed, each with a unique and inspiring message. My goal is to post one new episode per month.

Coming up I’ll be talking with Mark Miller, Vice President of high performance leadership for Chick-Fil-A and Stephen Trzeciak, author of Compassionomics, a book outlining the scientific evidence that caring really does make a difference.

With each episode my intention is to provide inspiring insights and practical tips for bringing more compassion to your life and work. I hope you enjoy them as much as I’ve enjoyed the conversations with my exceptional guests.

You can help me amplify the impact of OnCompassion by subscribing and sharing these podcasts with your tribe. Follow me on LinkedIn, Twitter and Instagram, and stay tuned to our Next Element Facebook page for notifications of new episodes.

If you know a leader who might be a good fit for OnCompassion, I’d love to know about it.

The world needs more compassion. My guests are doing something about it.

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2019
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23 Oct

Two Mistakes That Will Kill Your Employee Recognition Program

By Nate Regier In Compassionate Accountability, Decision Makers, Leadership, PCM, Team Leaders, Trainers /  1 No Comments

This SHRM/Globoforce Employee Recognition Survey found that less than 30% of employees surveyed were satisfied with their organization’s recognition efforts. Among organizations who had a formal recognition program, less than 50% were satisfied.

How can it be that even among organizations who are making the effort and have good intentions, less than half of their employees are satisfied?

Two mistakes can kill even the best-intentioned recognition efforts; Focus on recognition instead of motivation, and selective hearing which leads to prejudice.

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09 Oct

Leadership and Manipulation: Donald Trump Case Study, Part 2

By Nate Regier In Leadership, leadership advising, Leadership Coaching, Leadership Communication, Leadership Development, LOD, PCM /   4 Comments

What’s the difference between leadership and manipulation? This two-part series explores this very question using Donald Trump as the case study. In Part One I introduced the topic and shared three of the six tactics that skilled manipulators use to get what they want. Here are the other three, along with positive leadership lessons.

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02 Oct

Leadership and Manipulation: Donald Trump Case Study, Part 1

By Nate Regier In Compassionate Accountability, Decision Makers, Leadership, leadership advising, Leadership Coaching, Leadership Communication, Leadership Development /   5 Comments

I get a lot of requests to write about Donald Trump’s personality. Let’s start with an update to two articles I wrote in 2016 during Donald Trump’s campaign for president.

Trump is good. I mean, really good. When it comes to imposing his will on others, without their awareness or permission, Trump is one of the best I’ve ever seen in this generation. Webster defines manipulation like this:

Manipulation is to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one’s own advantage.

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