Is this the new normal?
25 Mar

Coping With The New Normal

By Nate Regier In PCM /   No Comments

My personality typically thrives on crisis. I am usually energized by adverse conditions and enjoy planning the solutions. For PCM-ers out there, my Base is Promoter and my Phase is Thinker. Coping with the new normal may look different for each personality.

The Coronavirus pandemic is different, not what I expected, and quite challenging for my personality. Here’s how this situation is challenging me, and what I am doing to cope.

No heroic measures needed

The solution to this crisis is to calm down, stay put, and relax. I prefer heroic measures, those big, bold moves that save the day in a short period of time. I am coping by looking for opportunities to boldly re-imagine how my business functions, and question assumptions about how I’ve been doing things in all aspects of my life.

Social Distancing

I thrive off people interactions. My favorite things are social events and keynote speaking, which have all been cancelled. I am coping by getting involved in virtual social forums where I can exchange ideas and share our message of compassion and adaptive communication.

Everyone has advice

My inbox is packed with tips for running virtual meetings, mastering Zoom, or arranging my home-office. My personality loves to know things, learn thing, and master things. So I want to read it all, and I can’t, so I get overwhelmed. I am coping by reminding myself that this thing won’t be over tomorrow, and there’s plenty of time to pick and choose what I want to learn. I am practicing what Seth Godin calls  “curating my incoming.”

Things change every day

My personality loves stability and predictability. I struggle with the loss of control associated with an ever-changing landscape and external mandates. I am coping by focusing on what I can control; like exercising, eating healthy, reading a good book that’s been sitting on my dresser, or playing games with my family.

It’s not about me

I am pretty self-centered by nature. I like my routine, my ideas, and my plans, my ecosystem. I am challenged by the increased need for connection, helping others, and doing my part to stop the spread of the virus, even if I’m not in an at-risk group. I am grateful for this opportunity to practice fuller compassion. I’m coping by setting boundaries with my kids, being available for my elderly parents, and helping my church figure out how to stay connected to their congregation virtually.

Here’s a compelling article by Otto Scharmer about how this pandemic is challenging us and also teaching us important lessons.

What about this “new normal” is challenging your way of being? How are you coping? Now, more than ever, I’d love to hear from you. Will you leave a comment?

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020

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18 Mar

What Does The Dalai Lama Know About Compassionate Leadership?

By Nate Regier In Compassion, Compassionate Accountability, Uncategorized /   No Comments

Daniel Goleman has spent the last 30 years researching and developing the science of Emotional Intelligence, and is a friend of the Dalai Lama. Recently he was asked to write a book about the Dalai Lama’s compassionate approach to addressing the world’s most intractable problems. Due out in June 2020, Force for Good, is both an exploration of the science and the power of compassion and a call to action.

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13 Mar

Why Drama Is Your Greatest Threat During Crisis And How To Respond With Compassion

By Nate Regier In Communication skills, Conflict Without Casualties, Leadership Communication, LOD, The Compassion Mindset /   No Comments

With the Coronavirus outbreak, the world is on high alert. People are anxious and afraid. It’s difficult to separate fact from fear and plain talk from politics. Drama is at an all-time high.

The real impact of this crisis on you your business depends on many factors that we can’t control. But the big question is whether our response will make us part of the problem or part of the solution.

Your response to crisis either makes you part of the problem, or part of the solution.

Here are three drama-based responses to uncertainty and crisis that only make things worse, and compassionate alternatives that help you be part of the solution.

Giving In

Do you shut down, believing you are helpless and avoid reality because you don’t want to face your feelings of anxiety or fear? This type of drama only magnifies irrational paranoia.

Compassionate Alternative

  • Get vulnerable with your own feelings. Let others know you are human too.
  • Empathize with others. People want to know they aren’t alone.
  • Validate other people’s feelings. People want to know it’s safe to talk about it.

Giving Unsolicited Advice

Do you swoop in trying to help everyone and masquerade as the expert? Do you feel more in control when you have advice and answers? This type of drama only creates resentment because it invites others to feel even less in control of their own destiny.

Compassionate Alternative

  • Get curious and ask permission before you offer help or information. People want to be included.
  • Ask people for ideas on creative solutions. People want to feel involved.
  • Leverage current opportunities and assets to adapt with purpose. People want to feel empowered.

Giving Ultimatums

Do broad generalizations, threats, and black or white statements help you feel powerful? When you blame and attack everyone else, do you feel more confident? Sadly, this type of drama only pushes people away, the very people whom you need most to find a way through the crisis.

Compassionate Alternative

  • Clarity the most important priorities, such as relationships, commitments, and safety. People want to know what to expect.
  • Focus on what you can control, especially your integrity and trustworthiness. People want to know they can count on you.
  • Apologize and make it right when you make a mistake or realize you need to adjust course. People want to know you will take responsibility.

By using compassion, humanity can overcome the negative pull of drama and rise to our best selves, especially in times of uncertainty and crisis.

Want help applying our compassion template to your crisis communication strategy? Call us for a free 30 minute consultation. +1 316 283 4200, email info@next-element.com 

Next Element offers Virtual Training for Leading Out of Drama and implementing The Compassion Mindset. In just a couple of hours and without leaving their offices, your leaders can get training on new communication, compassion and constructive conflict tools.

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020
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12 Mar

How To Help Different Personality Types Navigate Crisis and Uncertainty

By Nate Regier In Communication skills, Leadership Communication, PCM, workplace conflict /   1 Comment

Different personality types navigate crisis differently. Personality exerts tremendous impact on how people take in and process information, how they are motivated to take appropriate action, and how they experience it emotionally. Recognizing this can help leaders craft the most effective response plans to minimize panic and maximize problem-solving.

Here are tips to help different personalities navigate crisis.

Thinkers are natural planners.

They want to know the facts, ratios, risk estimates, and data-maps. They crave control, so they struggle with the uncertainty associated with a rapidly changing landscape. Their value in times of crisis is organizational and planning.

Help Thinkers by:

  • Providing up to date, accurate information.
  • Giving them as much advance notice as possible for any changes.
  • Letting them work on plans and solutions.
  • Support them in dealing with the natural feelings associated with loss of control.

Persisters are natural protectors.

They want to know the meaning, purpose and impact of what’s going on. They crave consistency and security, so they struggle with the danger that crisis poses to the people and organizations under their watch. Their value in times of crisis is keeping an eye on the big picture.

Help Persisters by:

  • Supporting their need to clarify priorities and big-picture impact.
  • Validating their convictions and commitments.
  • Telling the truth.
  • Supporting them in authentically experiencing the fear associated with uncertainty.

Harmonizers are natural caregivers.

They want to nurture relationships and connections and make sure everyone is okay. They crave emotional connection, so they struggle with the strain that crisis and uncertainty put on relationships, not to mention the pain it causes. Their value in times of crisis is their ability to nurture others.

Help Harmonizers by:

  • Telling them you care about them.
  • Sharing emotions and offering emotional support.
  • Enlisting their support to provide nurture and comfort to those who are suffering.
  • Supporting them when they express anger about how crisis and uncertainty affects the people they love.

Rebels are natural funsters.

They want to express themselves freely and engage creatively with the world. They crave unstructured time to be creative, so they struggle with the limitations that crisis can place on their environment. Their value in times of crisis is their ability to keep things from getting too serious and gloomy.

Help Rebels by:

  • Supporting their playful and humorous style of dealing with stress.
  • Enlisting their creative problem-solving to find novel solutions.
  • Avoiding overly-regimented environments when possible

Imaginers are natural dreamers.

They want to reflect and exercise their imaginative capabilities. They crave time and space without interruptions to recharge, so they struggle with the increased social interactions that often accompany rapid change during crisis. Their value in times of crisis is to keep calm and imagine the possibilities.

Help Imaginers by:

  • Giving them time and space to reflect.
  • Enlisting their imagination to find innovative solutions.
  • Giving them explicit directions on what to do.     

Promoters are natural doers.

They want to take action and seize opportunity. They crave the excitement of challenge and risk, so they often embrace crisis and uncertainty, but they often lose sight of the emotional connections and impact. Their value in times of crisis is their ability to see opportunity and take decisive action.

Help Promoters by:

  • Directing them to take appropriate action.
  • Enlisting their help to find and seize opportunity.
  • Reminding them of the human side of crisis and uncertainty.

According to research by Dr. Taibi Kahler embodied in the Process Communication Model®, all humans have all six types in them, arranged in a preferred, set order. One of these types primarily influences how we take in and process the world and how we prefer to interact. One of the types in us determines our primary motivational needs and how we go into distress when those needs aren’t met in healthy ways every day. Knowing this and taking care of our unique personality helps us be more resilient during stress and helps us support others in the best way possible.

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020

Find out your PCM personality structure and get a VIRTUAL one-hour debrief with a Next Element PCM coach. Learn about your primary motivational needs, how you go into distress when those needs aren’t met, and how to take care of yourself so you become more resilient during stress.

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11 Mar

How To Communicate with Compassion During Crisis

By Nate Regier In Communication skills, Compassion, Compassionate Accountability, Leadership Communication /  3 4 Comments

I travel quite a bit, so I’ve been paying attention to how the airlines are responding to the coronavirus crisis. I’ve gotten emails from the three airlines I use most, Delta, American, and United. Crisis communication requires compassion, which was notably absent in these messages.

All of the notifications conveyed two basic messages;

  1. We know safety is important so here’s what we are doing about it. (Information)
  2. Here’s why you can still trust us. (Commitments)

Here are the opening and closing paragraphs for each email I received. I’ve left out the parts listing the specific actions each airline is taking since they are essentially identical. Information parts are coded Blue, and Commitments are in Purple.

Delta (Ed Bastain, CEO)

As a valued member of the Delta family, I appreciate the trust you place in us and our people worldwide when you travel.

In the current environment, it’s important for all of us to travel smarter and more consciously. That’s why I want to personally update you on the situation with COVID-19 (the coronavirus) and the steps we are taking to ensure your health and safety in your travels.

(Here they list all the steps they are taking)

I believe Delta’s mission of connecting the world and creating opportunities is never more important than at times like this.

Thank you for your continued trust in Delta, and I look forward to seeing you in my own travels throughout the year.

American (Kurt Stache, SVP, Customer Experience)

Your safety and well-being is always our top priority at American Airlines, but particularly in relation to the coronavirus (COVID-19). Providing you with up-to-date information on what we are doing to respond to the issue is a critical step in giving you peace of mind when you travel. Here are a few highlights of our efforts:

(Here they list all the steps they are taking)

We are confident that our incredible team of more than 130,000 will care for you in the best possible way during your journey with us.

United (Oscar Munoz)

I consider you part of our United family and your safety remains our highest priority.

We are in the business of serving people and in the midst of this coronavirus outbreak it’s important that we give you as much flexibility as possible when planning your next trip. But it’s also important that we give you as much information as possible about the procedures we follow to clean our aircraft and maintain a sanitary environment once we’re in the air.

(Here they list all the steps they are taking)

I want you to know that you can continue to rely on us. So, the next time we have the privilege of welcoming you aboard our aircraft, you can know our commitment to you remains as steadfast as ever.

Lack of Compassion in Crisis Communication

What’s consistently missing in these crisis communication emails is openness, the foundation for compassion. None of these top leaders make an emotional connection with their constituents. There is no empathy for the feelings of anxiety and fear and no acknowledgment of the vulnerability we all feel. United and Delta make a broad statement about “family” but show no effort to connect at a personal level.

People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Compassionate communication requires transparent information exchange, and solid commitments to behavior, but first and foremost is an emotional connection that acknowledges the human connection we all have. Why? Because it is this connection that get us through the crisis together instead of falling apart.

The Compassion Cycle provides a framework for communicating during crisis while including all aspects of compassion.

Openness: Make an emotional connection. Most importantly during crisis is to name the anxiety and fear and connect personally with it so that people get the message, “You aren’t alone and you feelings matter.”

Resourcefulness: Active, informed problem-solving. All three airlines did a great job of this. Even better, give us travelers things we can do to lower our risk and partner with you in the solution. This helps us feel more in control during times of uncertainty.

Persistence: Be trustworthy. Be trustworthy. Be trustworthy. Be honest, be dependable, and be consistent. We all need to know what to expect from you.

Want help applying our compassion template to your crisis communication strategy? Call us for a free 30 minute consultation. +1 316 283 4200, email info@next-element.com 

Ideal compassionate communication from any airline would have read like this;

I can imagine that you are anxious and afraid about travel safety in the wake of the coronavirus outbreak. This is perfectly normal and we are in this together. Our loved ones are also traveling. We are here for you because you are part of our family.

Here is the most up-to-date information we know, and these are the steps we are taking to ensure your continued safety and comfort.

Our mission is ___________. Our commitment to you is__________. You can count on us to uphold these values during this crisis.

I appreciate how difficult it is to communicate effectively in times of crisis and uncertainty. If you are struggling to find the right approach, use ORP (Open-Resourceful-Persistent) to do it with compassion. We are committed to teaching you effective communicating strategies so you can feel more confident during turbulent times.

If you need help, give us a call.

Mr. Munoz, Mr. Bastain, and Mr. Stache, the first consultation is on me!

Want help applying our compassion template to your crisis communication strategy? Call us for a free 30 minute consultation. +1 316 283 4200, email info@next-element.com

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020

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04 Mar

Diversity Is A Fact. Inclusion Is A Choice.

By Nate Regier In Communication skills, Compassion, Compassionate Accountability, Leadership Communication, The Compassion Mindset, workplace conflict /   2 Comments

In a recent presentation to the Wichita Chamber of Commerce, Karen Carter shared a story of standing in the upgrade line at the airport. An airline service agent approached her and told her she was in the wrong line. Karen was the only black person in the line. If you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you interpret what happened? What did you say or do next?

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26 Feb

Six Types of Unconscious Bias Caused By Personality – Part Two

By Nate Regier In Communication skills, PCM /   No Comments

In Part One I described how personality can lead to unconscious bias, and lamented the fact that there isn’t more research on this topic. The Process Communication Model (PCM) gives us a framework for unpacking the six personality types IN each of us, and how each one can have unconscious bias. Each person has all six types in them, arranged in a preferred, set order. Our most developed types are most likely to have unconscious bias against the least developed types.

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19 Feb

Six Types of Unconscious Bias Caused By Personality – Part One

By Nate Regier In PCM /   No Comments

I searched the internet for “unconscious bias and personality”, and this Forbes article is the best I could find.

Personality influences how people perceive the world, natural character strengths, how they are motivated, how they prefer to communicate, even how they can become prejudicial in distress. By its very nature, personality causes unconscious bias. It influences how systems and structures evolve to favor certain types over others, and keeps us from including types who are different from us. Why has there not been more attention paid to this?

The Forbes article I found mentioned only two types of personality bias; Thinking and Feeling. I’m glad someone has started the conversation but there’s so much more to it. If we are going to talk about personality, we need a better framework than Myers-Briggs, which is notoriously unreliable.

At Next Element we use The Process Communication Model (PCM) because it is a behavior-based, researched model of communication and individual differences that unpacks the psychology of behavior for different types, including their perceptual frames of reference. According to PCM, we all have six different personality types IN us, arranged in a preferred, set order. Our foundational, base type, is apparent at birth or within a few months, the other five are arranged by age six according to developmental psychology and social influence principles. There are 720 different ways that these six “floors” can be ordered.

Types IN people, instead of types OF people, is fundamentally important and relevant to unconscious bias. Personality models that speak to types OF people inherently invite “othering,” entitlement, and prejudice. PCM describes six types IN each of us, each with its own perceptual filter, a preferred way of seeing the world. Because we all have all six types IN us, there is no other. We are all connected, and all have within us the capacity to appreciate and connect with any other type.

Learn how to identify the “language of communication” used by each of the six types.

Nevertheless, we all have preferences. Each personality type in us has unique the key to connecting, communicating, motivating, and growing. Being aware of this opens up tremendous possibility. Without awareness, though, our personality can become a source of unconscious bias favoring types that are stronger within us, and discriminating against types with whom we are less familiar.

In Part 2 I reveal the unconscious bias of each type. Meanwhile, consider these questions:

  • If you’ve taken a personality assessment, what have you learned about your unconscious bias? How do you view people who share similar traits, or who are quite different from you?
  • How does your personality impact your behavior around hiring and selection, reward systems, or choice of friends?
Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020

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12 Feb

Drained or Tired?

By Nate Regier In Communication skills, Compassion, Compassionate Accountability, Leadership, Leadership Communication, LOD, The Compassion Mindset /   4 Comments

Would you rather be drained or tired?

I’ve worked with hundreds of leaders who are heading towards burnout because they are drained so much of the time. Unlike being tired, being drained doesn’t go away with rest and refueling.

Being drained is perpetuated by three myths.

Be Nice

The Myth: Don’t make waves, don’t speak up, and avoid conflict because silence is a small price to pay to keep people happy.

The Drain: Energy wasted on things you can’t control while neglecting your own boundaries and needs.

The Compassionate Solution: Be Open. Share your real feelings without blaming anyone. It’s OK to own your stuff because you are worth it. You will be tired, but you will have self-respect.

Be Smart

The Myth: Give advice, fix problems, and show your expertise because we need to save people from their struggles.

The Drain: Energy is wasted on non-consensual helping which invites dependence and resentment, so you end up doing other people’s work for them. It’s a vicious cycle.

The Compassionate Solution: Be Resourceful. Get curious and meet people there they are at. Ask permission to help and treat people like they are capable. You will be tired from resisting your urge to help, and your people will begin solving their own problems.

Be Tough

The Myth: It’s okay to be the bad guy. Strength equals respect. Strong arm people if necessary because it’s your duty to get things done no matter what.

The Drain: Everything becomes a battle and collateral damage is the norm.

The Compassionate Solution: Be Persistent. Communicate what’s important. Be a role-model and ask people to step up. Follow through on commitments and consequences with dignity and respect. You will be tired and you will experience more ownership and loyalty.

Drained leaders spin their wheels and never recover. Tired leaders get results and sleep great. When you replace the drain of myths with compassion, it hurts so good.

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020
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05 Feb

Five Common Misconceptions About Compassion

By Nate Regier In Uncategorized /   No Comments

Einstein said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.” I disagree.

Here’s what I believe.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over knowing you’ll get the same results, but wishing for something different.

Humans are creatures of habit. We do the same things over and over because deep down we want the same results. We want things to be predictable because that doesn’t require us to take risks and be brave.

Yet we wish for more. We crave better relationships, more meaningful work, a purposeful life, inclusion, and the satisfaction of contributing. We can wish for something different, but until we adopt a new mindset and skills, we would be insane to expect anything different.

The answer to end the insanity is compassion. To be human is to have compassion.

Compassion is what connects us and gets us back on track when we lose our way. Compassion is the key to our survival. Compassion is how we make diversity our greatest strength.

Unfortunately, as humans we’ve developed some compassion habits that are holding us back, even though we wish for more and often have good intentions.

Five Misconceptions About Compassion

1. Compassion is all about empathy.

Wrong. Compassion is much more than a feeling. It’s also about creative problem-solving and accountability.

2. Compassion is a soft skill.

Wrong. Compassion is a life skill. It’s not for the faint of heart.

3. Compassion is just for self-less servant leaders.

Wrong. Compassion honors our own needs and boundaries too. Did you know that practicing compassion stimulates the reward centers of the brain?

4. Compassion is something that comes naturally; you either have it or you don’t.

Wrong. Compassion can be learned and doesn’t require a touchy-feely personality.

5. Compassion is about alleviating suffering.

Wrong. Compassion is about suffering alongside to enhance people’s value, capability, and responsibility. We are in this together.

Here’s our definition of compassion that corrects these five misconceptions.

Compassion is the practice of demonstrating that people are valuable, capable, and responsible in every interaction.

Compassion is a habit, a way of life that is cultivated daily and manifested through our behavior, in every interaction.

Because people are valuable, everyone deserves to be heard, affirmed, safe, invited, and included.

Because people are capable, everyone deserves the invitation to contribute, participate, take ownership, and be part of the solution.

Because people are responsible, everyone is accountable for their feelings, thoughts, and actions. Not just one of these, but all three. All the time. In every interaction. And it applies to you too.

How would you act differently if you believed that everyone, including you, was valuable, capable, and responsible?

Einstein also said this, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

Change the way you look at compassion and your world will change.

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020

This content was originally published here.

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