If you believe women are equal,
If you value freedom of expression,
If you care that children develop personal responsibility,
If you want people to embrace their potential,
If you want the world to blame less, cower less, and hurt each other less,
then stop using the phrases, “Make you feel,” and “Make me feel.”
Every time you say one of these phrases, you are reinforcing a myth that humans are not responsible for their emotions. The myths that anyone can make me feel good or bad, or that I can make someone else feel good or bad, are the fuel for victimization, persecution, and discrimination.
If you value freedom of expression and tell someone, “You hurt my feelings when you said that,” you are a feelings hypocrite.
If you think children should develop personal responsibility and you tell them, “How did that make you feel when Johnny bullied you?” you are a feelings hypocrite.
If you believe women are equal, and you suggest a man can, “Disrespect you by making you feel bad,” you are a feelings hypocrite.
We can influence, but not control what others do. Ultimately, we only have control of our our response. And that response starts with taking full responsibility for our emotions. Nobody caused them and nobody can own them except for me.
Taking full responsibility for our emotions in no way condones other people’s behavior. What it does, however, is set us free from being defined by someone else’s behavior. This is a fundamental first step for emotional intelligence.
Want to go deeper? Here are four posts I’ve written about this topic.
Defeat the myths and open yourself up to a new level of effectiveness in relationships by attending an LOD or PCM seminar today.