Whenever I was in conversation with a particular friend, and I would say something like, “We really should get such-and-such taken care of,” my friend would say, “Who is we? Do you have a frog in your pocket?”
Who is “we?” Have you ever heard statements like these at home and work: “We should really do something about that!” “We need to make a decision‚” “We should get this done by Friday‚” “We need to do a better job of keeping the house clean.”
“We” has you leaving the conversation wondering who’s we, and whose doing what? It also can be interpreted as a passive tactic, of not asserting what you really feel/think/believe, or a defensive move for avoiding conflict or responsibility. Either way, it leads to miscommunication.
So here is what you can do if “we” shows up in conversation. First, trust intentions. Stay curious, wanting and waiting to listen and understand. Second, openly, and without opinion or assumption, ask for clarification. (If you’ve already formed an opinion, judgment or assumption, it’s tough to be truly open.)
If you have been trained in the Process Communication Model (PCM), you know we are also talking about using appropriate parts and channels (what’s in front of you?) in how you ask for clarification.
Rest assured that if you do nothing, “we” will keep hanging around and tasks will never get completed… because “we” doesn’t do anything. A frog could get more done. If you want to know more about the PCM, give us a shout. Ribbit.
During the worst Kansas thunderstorms you’ll usually find me outside my house, precariously perched on an unstable ladder that is sinking in the mud, trying desperately to dig two or three seasons of composed leaves and debris out of my clogged gutters. I’m getting pelted by rain and probably some hail. I’m soaked, clutching metal gutters while lightening is striking around me.
About every three years we get one of those storms in Kansas that dumps several inches of rain in an hour or two. Streets are like rivers, ditches are overflowing onto the streets, and yards look like lakes. If your gutters aren’t flowing freely, rainwater will run over the edges, right down the side of your foundation, and flood your basement in a hurry. Even the best sump pumps struggle to keep up.
Miraculously, I’m still alive. Never mind that there were two or three HUNDRED sunny days when I could have safely cleaned my gutters. Somehow I seem to get motivated only when tragedy is imminent, and I put myself at high risk to fix the situation.
Is this how you tend to your gutters? Do you let the little leaves and debris in your life pile up until there’s a crisis? Do you wait to fix things until doing so puts you in danger? Maybe you procrastinate, avoid, or just dismiss the little things that aren’t fun, take a little extra effort, or sidetrack you from the important things of the day. Most likely, the clogged gutters in your life cause even the small rains to soak your basement.
Today, make a commitment to clean your gutters. Maybe it’s a messy desk, an apology that’s long overdue, a software upgrade, quality time with your kids. Take time out of your sunny day to joyfully and mindfully clean the gutters of your life so that when it rains AND pours, you can stay inside and enjoy the safety and comfort of your home.
