2020 will be a year of great challenge and great opportunity. Division and drama are at an all time high. Globally 85% of workers are not engaged or actively disengaged at work. Yet everywhere we travel around the world, leaders tell us they are craving positive connections and authentic relationships. They are tired of the drain and want their energy back! They are looking for a better way.
Top 10 Fake News Stories of 2019
The drama mavens would prefer that you to believe these fake narratives because they keep you small and afraid and willing to accept anything.
- Overnight success is just a click away
- Power builds safety
- Difference is the enemy
- There’s not enough to go around
- My beliefs are better
- Vulnerability is weak
- Life is a competition
- You don’t need anyone else
- Other people can make you feel good or bad
- A better phone camera will make you more popular
The Struggle Is Real
Struggle is not a bad thing. Conflict is not something to be avoided or used as a weapon. Diversity is not the enemy. Life isn’t supposed to be easy and fit into neat categories.
Compassion Headlines You Can Believe
Compassion is the practice of demonstrating that people are valuable, capable, and responsible. Compassion fosters connection, innovation, and purpose. Here are some news stories you can believe.
- There’s a positive purpose for diversity
- Conflict is natural and produces energy
- The purpose of conflict is to create, not destroy
- Connection, not division, is the key to our strength and survival
- Vulnerability requires courage and builds trust
- Leadership is about leveraging diverse gifts towards shared goals
- There is plenty to go around when you adopt an abundance mindset
- There are no shortcuts
- You are 100% responsible for your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors
- A better phone camera will reveal more of your imperfections
What if you embraced these true compassion stories for 2020. How could your life and your relationships change? How much better could you become as a leader?
Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2019
With The Compassion Mindset Course you can stop the drain of negative workplace interactions turn that energy into greater connection, engagement, and productivity.
What’s the difference between leadership and manipulation? This two-part series explores this very question using Donald Trump as the case study. In Part One I introduced the topic and shared three of the six tactics that skilled manipulators use to get what they want. Here are the other three, along with positive leadership lessons.
I get a lot of requests to write about Donald Trump’s personality. Let’s start with an update to two articles I wrote in 2016 during Donald Trump’s campaign for president.
Trump is good. I mean, really good. When it comes to imposing his will on others, without their awareness or permission, Trump is one of the best I’ve ever seen in this generation. Webster defines manipulation like this:
Manipulation is to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one’s own advantage.
I admire self-aware, centered people who just seem to have it all figured out. And, sometimes they drive me crazy when they don’t DO anything about it. They act like being mindful is enough, all by itself.
Mindfulness is a powerful practice to gain awareness, accept and manage emotions, and get centered. It helps you turn and face internal experiences with openness and curiosity instead of judgment.
Mis-communicable diseases are illnesses passed from person to person through miscommunication. That’s because miscommunication infects people with negativity; inferiority, guilt, shame, and fear. Forget the basic cases of not understanding each other. I’m talking about getting hooked, and the next thing you know, you’re under the weather.
My youngest daughter had a car accident the other day. On her way to school, she turned East onto a busy road leading to the high school and was blinded by the sunlight on her windshield. This time of year it’s brutal at 7:50 AM. Afraid to stop, but unable to see, she rolled down her window to get a better view. Just then she rear-ended another student. It was her first accident. Thankfully no one was hurt.
What a great opportunity to practice some of the compassion tools we teach at Next Element.
Start with empathy and validation
The first and most important thing to do is provide emotional support. Few things are more embarrassing and frightening for a teenager than a fender bender in front of her peers.
The most important message my daughter needs to hear from me is “You are worthwhile.”
Before getting to the details or ramifications, the most important thing to let them know, “you aren’t alone,” and “your feelings are OK.” Hear them out and make sure to avoid judgment.
Of course I wanted to know the details. What happened? Who’s fault was it? Were you wearing your seatbelt? There’s nothing wrong with asking questions as long as you are curious. If the other person perceives that you already have a conclusion in your head, they will be defensive. If you are trying to blame, trap, or accuse them, it won’t go well.
The most important message my daughter needs to hear from me is, “You are capable.”
I was surprised by how quickly my daughter started problem-solving how to deal with the sun problem in the future. Learning from mistakes can happen when show empathy and are curious.
Natural consequences without judgment
There will be consequences. Every action has consequences. Most likely our insurance rates will go up. If we choose to fix the damage to her car it will cost time and money. The best consequences are natural ones, not imposed ones. What most people think of as punishment is punitive consequences with the intention to cause pain. The danger of type of consequence is that if the other person perceives contempt or judgment of them as a person, the consequences are much less unlikely to have a long-term positive impact.
The most important message my daughter needs to hear from me is, “You are accountable.”
So the real questions become, “How will we share responsibility for consequences?” “How will we work together to take on this new burden and make things right again?” “What boundaries or commitments need to revisited?”
Unfortunate things happen. How we respond can make all the difference.
Copyright 2019 Next Element Consulting, LLC
Finally, a practical methodology for applying compassion in every interaction. Learn the mindset and skillset in our new 2-hour webinar course.
Like many families, ours struggles with the insidious, addictive allure of electronic devices. Our smartphones are with us at all times. When we aren’t holding them, they sit within close reach so we don’t miss an incoming snap or text. Sometimes it seems we are connected to everything…except the people next to us.
This holiday season more than ever I am looking forward to spending quality time with my family. Two of my daughters are in college, so time at home with them is more precious than ever. I want to find a balance between healthy use of our devices, and quality time together. Here are three strategies I am going to try this holiday season.
Do you live with silent “inhibitors” in your life, those ingrained beliefs about what you should or shouldn’t do? “Work before play,” “Don’t have too much fun, “Never take credit.” Over time, without even realizing it, these inhibitors infect our lives and can really hold us back.
That’s why I am so grateful for the Ten Permissions given to me by Taibi Kahler, award-winning psychologist, developer of the Process Communication Model (PCM®), and a father-figure/mentor for me. Permission is one of the most important and valuable gifts we can give ourselves and others. These have helped me through many stuck points and sleepless nights. I’d like to share them with you.
Recently I was conducting a Leading Out of Drama Provider Certification and we were reviewing one of the Choices To Move, “Let Go and Move On,” a skill for practicing Compassionate Accountability and moving from Resourcefulness to Persistence on the Compassion Cycle. A participant was explaining the concept in his own words and shared this;
Those who can’t let go and move on often choose to teach others instead.
He didn’t mean it as an indictment of educators, but his comment underscored a powerful dynamic of drama, the urge to give unsolicited advice to make others better instead of focusing on our own decisions and consequences.