Appreciate You vs. Appreciate It

My middle daughter, Emily, works in customer service at Home Depot. It’s been a great source of work experience for her during the disruptions of COVID, she’s made some new friends, and has allowed some side income while going to school virtually.

Emily helps a lot of people every day, both over the phone, and in person. Sometimes she even helps people take stuff out to their vehicles. Although not everyone shows gratitude, she receives plenty of appreciation for her efforts.

The other day Emily called me to ask a PCM Question. As a Process Communication Model trainer and the author of a new book about PCM, she hoped I’d have some insight. Her question;

“I get a lot of compliments each day, and there are some that mean more than others. Some people say, ‘Appreciate it,’ and others say, ‘Appreciate you.’ I’ve noticed that I definitely prefer ‘Appreciate you.’ It means so much more to me than ‘Appreciate it.’ How do you explain that?

The explanation has everything to do with personality differences in how people are motivated. We all have the same six personality types in us, but in a preferred, set order. Emily’s two strongest ones are Rebel and Harmonizer. The Rebel type is motivated by playful contact that is safe, fun and accepting. The Harmonizer type is motivated by recognition of person, caring about who you are, no strings attached. “Appreciate you,” nails them both!

Appreciate YOU people,

  • Are generally caring, kind, and playful.
  • Want to know you like and accept them for who they are.
  • Do things for you as an expression of their compassion and human connection.

Appreciate IT people,

  • Are generally organized, committed, and observant.
  • Want to know you recognize the things they do.
  • Do things for you as an expression of their responsibility and dedication.

Next time you want to show appreciation to someone, watch for the cues and offer what means the most to them. They’ll definitely appreciate YOU for IT.


Want to learn about your personality and how it impacts your leadership? Our new PCM Leadership Profile has all the answers and a ton of actionable insights.

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10 Commandments For a Personality Inclusive Workplace

I wondered if anyone would show up for my presentation on Personality Diversity and Discrimination in the Workplace at the 2013 Society for Human Resource Professionals national diversity and inclusion conference. To my surprise, the room was packed with D&I officers from all sorts of big companies. Afterwards, the feedback I got was overwhelming; “I had no idea how powerful and critical personality diversity is. I have never thought of personality as a dimension of inclusion, maybe even more powerful than gender or ethnicity.”

Personality diversity is a fact. Personality Inclusion is a choice.

Are you choosing to include all personality types in your workplace, or are you just giving it lip-service by administering a personality assessment? Here are ten commandments for taking the next step to include all personality types.

  1. You shall respect someone’s time and appreciate their productive work.
  2. You shall respect someone’s convictions and appreciate their principled work.
  3. You shall value people for who they are as human beings, no strings attached.
  4. You shall let people have fun at work.
  5. You shall give people time and space to recharge.
  6. You shall help people get a lot of excitement in short bursts.
  7. You shall apply to others ONLY the commandments that best fit them. (Platinum Rule)
  8. You shall NOT assume your favorite commandment fits others. (Projection Rule)
  9. You shall conduct engagement surveys that truly listen to the needs of all personality types (Gallup Q12 discriminates against three types).
  10. You shall hold leaders accountable for the first nine commandments.

Want to learn more about how to include all types? Start with my new book, Seeing People Through.

Our Process Communication Model Leadership Profile and training programs give leaders the self-awareness, insight, and guidance to include all personality types at work.

Copyright Next Element Consulting, 2020
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Two Reasons People Overreact, And How To De-Escalate

Have you ever been accused of overreacting? Have you ever accused someone else of overreacting? You might think differently when you pay attention to emotional triggers and threats to energy supply.

Most often what we label as overreacting is, in fact, a normal reaction to something of which we aren’t aware or don’t understand. On the surface it may seem like someone is making a mountain out of a molehill, but what if there’s more going on than you know? (more…)

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It’s Not About The Orange

This week is launch week for our new book, Seeing People Through: Unleash Your Leadership Potential with The Process Communication Model.

PCM has changed my life, and the lives of thousands of people who have learned how to communicate with Process. Here’s a video I recorded in 2017 about how even the simplest of interactions can lead to miscommunication if we don’t pay attention to process.

Yesterday we had local elections in my town. Everyone was asking for my vote. Today I am asking for your vote in the form of buying a copy of my new book.

No matter who you lead, or your scope of authority, PCM can help you be more authentic, take better care of yourself, motivate people in positive ways, increase your agility, include others in more meaningful ways, and experience wonderful new parts of your own personality.

Get your copy today!

LIMITED TIME DISCOUNT

This week only, save 20% on the new PCM Leadership Profile. At checkout, use code SPT2020 to claim your discount and receive a live debrief with me.

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Leadership At The End Of The Day

Step 1

Select which questions from this list are most important for you. At the end of the day…

  • Have I used my time productively?
  • Have I accomplished important things?
  • Have I learned something useful?
  • Have I helped others become more capable?
  • Have I made a positive difference?
  • Have I advanced my values?
  • Have I acted with integrity?
  • Have I earned respect without instilling fear?
  • Have I nurtured relationships that I care about?
  • Have I taken care of me?
  • Have I asked for what I want?
  • Have I maintained my personal boundaries?
  • Did we have fun?
  • Did I make any new connections?
  • Did I discover something new and interesting?
  • Did I find a creative solution to a problem?
  • Did I take the time and space I needed to recharge?
  • Did I take time to imagine the possibilities?
  • Did I make the decisions required for my role?
  • Did I ask for direction when I needed it?
  • Have I done something exciting?
  • Did we seize opportunity?
  • Did I challenge myself?
  • Did I use my special skills to help others rise to the occasion?

Step 2

From the questions you selected as important for you, identify the ones for which you can say YES on a daily basis. Describe how you get to YES.

Step 3

If you did not answer YES to any of your important questions, describe what’s getting in your way.

Step 4

What will you do tomorrow to turn the NO answers into YES answers? What help will you ask for from others?

Step 5

Interview someone else about steps 1-4.

The foundation for leadership is arranging to get your psychological needs met every day in healthy ways. This way you can show up positive and productive and help others do the same.

At the end of the day, people who find the YES to their questions are happier and healthier. Teams who help each other find their YES are more engaged and productive.


Learn the science behind these questions in my new book, Seeing People Through: Unleash Your Leadership Potential with The Process Communication Model.

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The Difference Between Passion, Caring, and Loving

Is it okay to be motivated differently towards the same goal?

Is it okay to do the right thing for different reasons?

Passion means you are motivated by your values.

“I am passionate about foster parenting because I believe every child deserves a stable household and a positive role-model.”

Caring means you are motivated by compassion for people.

“I care about foster parenting because children need the love and support of family.”

Loving means you are motivated by the novelty and enjoyment of it all.

“I love foster parenting because it’s so cool to have a new person around the house!”

Have you ever judged someone because they didn’t “care enough” like you, or weren’t “passionate enough” like you? How did that turn out?

Beware not to confuse passion, caring, and loving. They all can inspire the behavior we want, but for different reasons.

Motivation depends on the person, not the goal.

What if you could inspire different personalities towards same goals based on their natural motivators?

That’s what Seeing People Through is all about. Get yours today.

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020
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How To Make Your Personality More Resilient – Part 2

Personality science reveals that authentic emotional expression is the key to resilience during change. Taibi Kahler, PhD, originator of the Process Communication Model, discovered that humans often hunker down to avoid dealing with particular emotions. The paradox is that only by authentically experiencing these emotional issues can you unlock your personality to deal with what’s next.

Instead of hunkering down during crisis, open up and unlock the positive potential in your personality.

There are six personality types in each of us. One is primary. They all hunker down in their own way, and they all have their own emotional issue to face. I covered two of the types, Thinker and Persister, in last week’s post. Here are the other four. (more…)

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Is this the new normal?

Coping With The New Normal

My personality typically thrives on crisis. I am usually energized by adverse conditions and enjoy planning the solutions. For PCM-ers out there, my Base is Promoter and my Phase is Thinker. Coping with the new normal may look different for each personality.

The Coronavirus pandemic is different, not what I expected, and quite challenging for my personality. Here’s how this situation is challenging me, and what I am doing to cope.

No heroic measures needed

The solution to this crisis is to calm down, stay put, and relax. I prefer heroic measures, those big, bold moves that save the day in a short period of time. I am coping by looking for opportunities to boldly re-imagine how my business functions, and question assumptions about how I’ve been doing things in all aspects of my life.

Social Distancing

I thrive off people interactions. My favorite things are social events and keynote speaking, which have all been cancelled. I am coping by getting involved in virtual social forums where I can exchange ideas and share our message of compassion and adaptive communication.

Everyone has advice

My inbox is packed with tips for running virtual meetings, mastering Zoom, or arranging my home-office. My personality loves to know things, learn thing, and master things. So I want to read it all, and I can’t, so I get overwhelmed. I am coping by reminding myself that this thing won’t be over tomorrow, and there’s plenty of time to pick and choose what I want to learn. I am practicing what Seth Godin calls  “curating my incoming.”

Things change every day

My personality loves stability and predictability. I struggle with the loss of control associated with an ever-changing landscape and external mandates. I am coping by focusing on what I can control; like exercising, eating healthy, reading a good book that’s been sitting on my dresser, or playing games with my family.

It’s not about me

I am pretty self-centered by nature. I like my routine, my ideas, and my plans, my ecosystem. I am challenged by the increased need for connection, helping others, and doing my part to stop the spread of the virus, even if I’m not in an at-risk group. I am grateful for this opportunity to practice fuller compassion. I’m coping by setting boundaries with my kids, being available for my elderly parents, and helping my church figure out how to stay connected to their congregation virtually.

Here’s a compelling article by Otto Scharmer about how this pandemic is challenging us and also teaching us important lessons.

What about this “new normal” is challenging your way of being? How are you coping? Now, more than ever, I’d love to hear from you. Will you leave a comment?

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020

Want to join the launch team for my new PCM book, coming out in August?

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How To Help Different Personality Types Navigate Crisis and Uncertainty

Different personality types navigate crisis differently. Personality exerts tremendous impact on how people take in and process information, how they are motivated to take appropriate action, and how they experience it emotionally. Recognizing this can help leaders craft the most effective response plans to minimize panic and maximize problem-solving.

Here are tips to help different personalities navigate crisis.

Thinkers are natural planners.

They want to know the facts, ratios, risk estimates, and data-maps. They crave control, so they struggle with the uncertainty associated with a rapidly changing landscape. Their value in times of crisis is organizational and planning.

Help Thinkers by:

  • Providing up to date, accurate information.
  • Giving them as much advance notice as possible for any changes.
  • Letting them work on plans and solutions.
  • Support them in dealing with the natural feelings associated with loss of control.

Persisters are natural protectors.

They want to know the meaning, purpose and impact of what’s going on. They crave consistency and security, so they struggle with the danger that crisis poses to the people and organizations under their watch. Their value in times of crisis is keeping an eye on the big picture.

Help Persisters by:

  • Supporting their need to clarify priorities and big-picture impact.
  • Validating their convictions and commitments.
  • Telling the truth.
  • Supporting them in authentically experiencing the fear associated with uncertainty.

Harmonizers are natural caregivers.

They want to nurture relationships and connections and make sure everyone is okay. They crave emotional connection, so they struggle with the strain that crisis and uncertainty put on relationships, not to mention the pain it causes. Their value in times of crisis is their ability to nurture others.

Help Harmonizers by:

  • Telling them you care about them.
  • Sharing emotions and offering emotional support.
  • Enlisting their support to provide nurture and comfort to those who are suffering.
  • Supporting them when they express anger about how crisis and uncertainty affects the people they love.

Rebels are natural funsters.

They want to express themselves freely and engage creatively with the world. They crave unstructured time to be creative, so they struggle with the limitations that crisis can place on their environment. Their value in times of crisis is their ability to keep things from getting too serious and gloomy.

Help Rebels by:

  • Supporting their playful and humorous style of dealing with stress.
  • Enlisting their creative problem-solving to find novel solutions.
  • Avoiding overly-regimented environments when possible

Imaginers are natural dreamers.

They want to reflect and exercise their imaginative capabilities. They crave time and space without interruptions to recharge, so they struggle with the increased social interactions that often accompany rapid change during crisis. Their value in times of crisis is to keep calm and imagine the possibilities.

Help Imaginers by:

  • Giving them time and space to reflect.
  • Enlisting their imagination to find innovative solutions.
  • Giving them explicit directions on what to do.     

Promoters are natural doers.

They want to take action and seize opportunity. They crave the excitement of challenge and risk, so they often embrace crisis and uncertainty, but they often lose sight of the emotional connections and impact. Their value in times of crisis is their ability to see opportunity and take decisive action.

Help Promoters by:

  • Directing them to take appropriate action.
  • Enlisting their help to find and seize opportunity.
  • Reminding them of the human side of crisis and uncertainty.

According to research by Dr. Taibi Kahler embodied in the Process Communication Model®, all humans have all six types in them, arranged in a preferred, set order. One of these types primarily influences how we take in and process the world and how we prefer to interact. One of the types in us determines our primary motivational needs and how we go into distress when those needs aren’t met in healthy ways every day. Knowing this and taking care of our unique personality helps us be more resilient during stress and helps us support others in the best way possible.

Copyright Next Element Consulting, LLC 2020

Find out your PCM personality structure and get a VIRTUAL one-hour debrief with a Next Element PCM coach. Learn about your primary motivational needs, how you go into distress when those needs aren’t met, and how to take care of yourself so you become more resilient during stress.

Bring the intelligence of PCM to your leaders with our VIRTUAL training course. Call for details.

Join the launch team for my new PCM book, Seeing People Through, coming out in July 2020.

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