Have you every been driving behind a car that was super loud, and when accelerating, it blurts loud pops of sound with no warning, and you think to yourself, “man that car could use a good muffler!”  For some of us, this lack of a muffler can really get us sideways around our ideas and beliefs on how a car should sound and behave when in operation.  So what do mufflers have to do with my 6-year old?

First, you must understand that my 6-year old experiences the world with strong reactions, likes and dislikes.

“I hate spaghetti!”
“I love spaghetti!”
“I hate school!”
“Cool!!”
“This rocks!”
“This is boring!”

His body and face emote energy through his reactions, and sends an invitation to everyone who interacts with him to express emotional energy with him.

Here is the kicker…there is nothing wrong with him.  He is okay.  He is not in distress, even though he expresses negative feelings such as, “I’m mad!” He is experiencing the world through his filter of reactions, likes and dislikes.  These reactions can be loud, animated and full of energy, like a car accelerating with no muffler.

He has not grown his muffler yet.  What I mean is that he has not yet figured out how to muffle some of his reactions.  He will always react first, and it would be unrealistic and inauthentic for him to do anything else.  He is learning that there are times when he must have a quiet voice, like school, and he is learning how to self-regulate or “muffle” his reactions.  He is coming up with fun ways to quietly react, which at times involves less animated body movement, a softer voice, and keeping his negative reactions to himself.

Remember when I said some of us get sideways with our ideas and beliefs on how a car should sound and behave when in operation?  The same can be true when interacting with someone that exhibits strong reactions, likes and dislikes.  By now you may have made a connection with who this is in your life, and I invite you to “listen to understand.”  To accomplish this, remember that they are okay and are just reacting to the world as it comes at them.  They are inviting you to emote, to express energy back, to react with them.  If you can not muster up the energy, or you feel it is not an appropriate time, model your best muffled response.