Dealing with Ungrateful Employees; Untouchable Leaders ask Impossible Questions; New Staff Announcement; Nate promoted to Master Certifying Trainer; Hot Wings with John Parr and Taibi Kahler…

Dealing with Ungrateful Employees

You’re a fixer. You see needs and dive into the solution. You are so perceptive that you don’t even have to be asked. And, you are frequently resentful that people don’t appreciate your help. You’ve developed a martyr complex and might even grumble under your breath “After all I’ve done for them, they are so ungrateful.”

Problem is, they didn’t ask for your help. They may not even want it. And, you didn’t include them in the decision. Do you want more gratitude from those in your life? Stop trying to fix them, ask them first, and be a resource instead of a rescuer.

Untouchable Leaders ask Impossible Questions

An effective way to become untouchable is to ask impossible questions. There are few things more confusing and demoralizing to your employees than when you are indirect, ask questions where you already know the “right answer,” or ask them in such a way as to keep employees guessing. Here are a few examples with more appropriate alternatives:

Impossible Question: “Don’t you think you’ve spent enough time on that?”
Appropriate Alternative: “I believe you’ve spent enough time on that.”

Impossible Question: “What, exactly, did you mean?”
Appropriate Alternative: “What did you mean?”

If you are struggling to get people to talk to you, open up to you, or answer your questions, the problem may be that you are putting the answer out of reach. It’s OK to challenge your employees to learn, discover, and struggle to grow. It’s not OK to put the “right” answer out of reach so you can watch them struggle.

We are honored to announce the addition of Aaron Chappell Deckert to the Next Element team effective July 1st.  Aaron is returning to the U.S. after 3 years in Colombia.  He comes to us with 3 years experience as a PCM Trainer, a master’s degree in organizational development, and is fluent in Spanish.  We look forward to introducing him to everyone in-person!

Communication Tips

We’re diving into Google+ head first, and we invite you to join us!  Join Jeff on May 14th for his first “Chatting with Jeff” live video conference!  Open to anyone that has been through any Process Communication Model (PCM) training.  For more details visit our website Calendar.  Your next chance will be June 25.

Public Seminars

PCM Core CompetencyTraining, August 6 – 8, Newton KS

Advanced PCM Conflict Resolution Seminar, August 9 – 10, Newton KS

PCM Trainer Certification, August 13 – 17, Newton KS

For complete information on all our upcoming seminars, please visit our calendar at next-element.com

And remember, you are always welcome to repeat any of our seminars (provided we have room) for only $50

Smart Ap – PocketPCM

(click for more info)

Announcement

We are quite proud of our very own Nate Regier, upon receiving this recent press release from Kahler Communications, Inc:

“We want to extend our congratulations to John Parr and Nate Regier, who have just completed certification with Taibi Kahler as Certifying Master Trainers.

What is a “Certifying Master Trainer”?

A Certifying Master Trainer is someone authorized by KCI to evaluate and certify PCM experts as Certifying Trainers in the US and Master Trainers in the rest of the world.  They act as agents of KCI and, in licensed territories, perform their services in consultation with the owners of the territorial PCM licenses.

The selection and certification of John and Nate is part of KCI’s ongoing efforts to ensure continuity for PCM as a methodology and a business in the future.”

To which we say, “Way to go Nate!  Let’s have a celebration party!!”

Hot Wings Update

“The wings at Last Chance Lakeside Cafe were…well…pretty much just fried chicken. Rob Wert, Executive VP & COO of Kahler Communications, Inc., tried to convince me that there was some buffalo flavoring on them, but I didn’t taste it. I trust he’s probably right because my taste threshold is pretty distorted. They were crispy on the outside, plump and juicy on the inside, and the blue cheese dressing was great. I’d give them a 3/5.” – Nate

John Parr, Process Communications UK

Taibi Kahler, Kahler Communications Inc., Hot Springs, Arkansas

Next Element helps companies to communicate effectively.

Chatting, Elevating and Golfing

“An expectation, as they say, is a resentment waiting to happen.” – Jon Carroll

We tend to agree with Jon Carroll.  For more on our thoughts about expecting, read Nate’s posts: Want vs. Expect, Hanging Out With the Stars, and Jeff’s post: To Versus With

Facebook Elevates Mood
Did you know that allowing employees to participate in social networking (while at work), may actually increase productivity?
Curious?  Read this recent blog post by Jeff: Facebook Elevates Mood

Golf with UL of Kansas
On April 16, at Sand Creek Station in Newton KS – there will be a “Swing for Success” Urban League of Kansas golf tournament-fund raiser.  If you hurry, you may still be able to join Jeff and other friends out on this gorgeous golf course for a good cause!

Smart Ap – PocketPCM

(click here for more info)

Hot Wings Update
This month’s Hot Wing Update comes from Jamie Estill, principal of MUSE School, California.  “These Fiery Killer Wings from Wood Ranch BBQ and Grill (woodranch.com) in Agoura Hills, CA, should be code named “Asian Porky Zing”… Crispy with a sweet Asian chile dipping sauce, meaty and tender without being too mushy. Texture and tenderness were outstanding; heat was not up to the name, so 4/5 on your rating scale.”

Communication Tips
We’re diving into Google+ head first, and we invite you to join us!  Join Jeff on May 14th for his first “Chatting with Jeff” live audio conference!  Open to anyone that has been through any Process Communication Model (PCM) training.  For more details visit our website Calendar.

Process and the Medical Model
“My experience and research has convinced me that PTM is a model that simultaneously supports the positive aspects of the Medical Model, builds a bridge to transcend outdated assumptions and knowledge, supports current best practices in behavioral health treatment, and suggests bold new directions for the future.”  Please read the rest of this White Paper by Nate, “Process Therapy Model, The Medical Model, and the Future of Behavioral Health.”

Public Seminars
Intro to PCM, May 5, Calabasas CA
PCM Core Competency,  May 7-9, Calabasas CA
PCM Advanced, May 11-12, Calabasas CA
Process Facilitation, May 14-16, Birch Run MI
NEOS Certification, May 18, Newton KS
For complete information on all our upcoming seminars, please visit our calendar.

And remember, you are always welcome to repeat any of our seminars (provided we have room) for only $50

Have you attended an Next Element Seminar?

If so, here’s an opportunity to chat with, and ask Jeff questions.

For 1-hour, you and 9 other individuals will be in a chat room with Jeff King.  This chat room will be a Q & A, and discussion in a video-conference format.  No question is out-of-bounds, and if you have been to a Next Element seminar you are eligible to participate.  We can talk about communication, drama, change, motivation… anything goes!

How do I sign up?

•     Get a Google+ account (you have to have a Gmail account to do this)
•     Find Jeff King and join “NE Chat”
•     E-mail Jeff King at jeff@next-element.com to reserve a space
•     Video chat and webcam is required
•     When the day arrives for the chat session, log into your Google+ account and join
the NE Chat circle and the action will begin!

When are they?  May 14, June 25, July 16 – 2:30pm Central DST

How do I pay?  Oh yea and how much? $40 per chat session

When you reserve your space with Jeff, you will receive an invoice from Michele (michele@next-element.com).  You may pay by snail-mail or PayPal.

What if I have questions as to how to get started?  E-mail Jeff@next-element.com

It’s time for that annual review and you’ve got some tough feedback to give. You are concerned that it will not go well because of ongoing drama between you and the employee, or perhaps the employee’s difficulty receiving constructive feedback. You know that your executive team is avoiding conflict around key performance and personnel issues that are holding back your company’s progress. Yet you are concerned that nobody on your team knows how to handle this conflict in a productive way.

Introducing, Feedback, Conflict, and Accountability: Strategies for Positive Change, a new seminar to help you become a more effective change agent.   This one or two-day seminar will help you identify what’s going on, how to respond most effectively, and how to follow-through on tough conversations without losing your cool.

Click here for a detailed seminar outline

Viva la Dreamers!

Want to “get inside” a Dreamer’s head?  Check out this link to a terrific Ted Talk by author Susan Cain, titled “The Power of Introverts.”

GotProcess Poll

Our apologies, we didn’t get the link included last month so we are re-posting this winning poll question: “What is it like when you have a Reactor/Persister base/phase combo?”

We invited two of our clients to illustrate through personal examples, what it’s like to have Persister/Reactor base/phase combinations. Thank you to Randy (Reactor Base/Persister Phase) and Rebecca (Persister Base/Reactor Phase) for your heartfelt and poignant stories. (click here to read on…)

On the Road Again

Hot Wings Update

Jeff shared the following with us:  “Hot wings at ESPN Zone in Staples Center, downtown Los Angeles. Watched Lehigh beat Duke, then Lakers beat Minnesota. Good wings, good games.”

Smart Ap – PocketPCM

Don’t you just love loaded, indirect questions?  Even the way I worded this question is loaded…because I’ve already decided the “right” answer is YES.

A question is not a question if you already have your mind made up.  If you are hiding your true desires or if you are fishing for a specific answer, it’s a setup. Asking loaded questions leads to second guessing, superficial agreement, resentment, defensiveness, guilt, and negative energy.

If you have an opinion, share it.  If you want something, ask for it.  If you have an idea, articulate it.  Take ownership over what you want and stop expecting others to read your mind.

Questions only work when you are open to learning.  The spirit of a question is CURIOSITY.  If you are curious, inquisitive, and open to learning, your questions won’t be loaded.  They won’t invite defensiveness.  They will build trust and goodwill.  You will learn more, find better solutions, and be a better leader, parent, and friend.

Want to practice curiosity?  Try these four tips:

• Avoid starting your question with a negative (e.g. Don’t, Won’t, Shouldn’t). Instead of “Shouldn’t we give her another chance?” try “Should we give her another chance?”
• Avoid WHY.  Among Five W’s, Why is most likely to come across feeling like interrogation.  Instead of “Why is your report late?” try “Your report is late. What got in the way of you completing it?”
• Get rid of loaded modifiers. Words like exactly, really, precisely, and truly make the question impossible to answer and imply you are looking for perfection.  Instead of “What, exactly, do you mean?” ask “What do you mean?”
• Adjust your body language. In front of a mirror or trusted friend, directly face the person, make eye contact, avoid looking “down on” them.  Practice asking a question and get feedback on how it comes across.

Want to learn more about how to improve your communication? Give us a call, attend a Next Element Process Communication Model seminar, and subscribe to our e-newsletter and blog.

Dreamer child’s mother calls and informs teacher, “I.K.” that her child is in severe distress and on her way to school.  I.K. has a group hike scheduled for the entire class first thing in the morning.

Dreamer child arrives at school at 8:30 am

What does I.K. do?

I.K., meets the child as she is walking to the classroom.  I.K. says to her, “get your book, read outside alone and come to class when you are ready.” I.K. is “wearing” his director part, being mindful to not show any emotion, and not rescue – he is aware of his tendencies to do otherwise, thanks to his Persister base and Rebel phase.

I.K., then takes the rest of the class for a hike and returns in one hour.  Leaving the Dreamer child alone.

At 10:30 I ask I.K., “How is the Dreamer child?“  His response, “She is in class,engaged, and showing no signs of distress.”

What if every teacher knew how to communicate like I.K.?  WOW!

Here is some background that I.K., little Dreamer’s mom, and the school staff were aware of:

• Child is a Dreamer base.
• The previous day, Child had to share with teachers, parents, staff and peers about a school project she was working on.
• The previous day Child also had to present to parents, staff, teachers, and peers her book that she was writing.
• Child had to respond to requests (requestive channel) from parents, staff, teachers, and peers the previous day.
• The child knew that the next morning she was expected to go on a hike – be talked to, talked at, and talk while hiking.

That day she woke up and was depleted – however  school staff, mom, and I.K. were able to give her solitude and direction.  In this situation every one learns, every one grows and no one rescues.

BRILLIANCE DEFINED.

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Owning Your Potency
The winner of our December-January E-News contest is Ryan Hoopes!  His entry starts…
“Wow, this article could not have come at a more perfect time. I encountered a situation last Friday night that fits perfectly with this article. This is the first time I have heard the phrase “own your potency” and I love it! I coach a high school girls basketball team.” Click here to read the rest of the story…

We Love Adventure!
“People pay for compelling experiences that don’t just leave them breathless, but leave them altered in meaningful ways. They pay for relationships that transform how they see the world and themselves.”

Every year we attend the annual international conference for the Association for Challenge Course Technology (ACCT), a gathering of the best and brightest in challenge course design and construction, canopy tours, and zip lines. As Jeff mentioned in his recent blog, all signs point to growth in this industry.  Next Element doesn’t operate a challenge course. We don’t build zip lines. We don’t supply equipment to anyone in this industry. So why are we involved? The answer lies deep within the Costa Rican jungle on the side of a volcano.  Click here to read rest of the story…

GotProcess Poll
Winning poll question: “What is it like when you have a Reactor/Persister base/phase combo?”

We invited two of our clients to illustrate through personal examples, what it’s like to have Persister/Reactor base/phase combinations. Thank you to Randy (Reactor Base/Persister Phase) and Rebecca (Persister Base/Reactor Phase) for your heartfelt and poignant stories.  Click here to read on…

Public Seminars
Facilitating Self-Efficacy, March 7 – 8, Newton KS
NEOS Certification, March 9, Newton KS
PCM Core Competency, March 12 – 14, Newton KS
Intro to PCM, March 14, Calabasas CA
PCM Advanced, March 15 – 16, Newton KS

For complete information on all our upcoming seminars, please visit our calendar at next-element.com
And remember, you are always welcome to repeat any of our seminars (provided we have room) for only $50

Hot Wings Siting!
We received yet another Hot Wings siting from our friend Abe Regier.  (We love Abe, AND is anyone else out there eating hot wings??)

From our 2012 challenge, to procure hot wing sitings from the top 10 locations comes Pluckers, Dallas -
“4.5/5 – Tried the popular Baker’s Gold, and Fire in the Hole wings- both excellent. The Baker’s Gold were a sweet bbq with lingering heat, and Fire in the Hole were the hottest commercial wing I’ve had. After 5 my lips were on fire and I was sweating like crazy. High marks for the heat!”

(The picture kinda says it all, doesn’t it?)

Thank you Abe!

Accountability is about follow through.  Doing what you say you will do, finishing what you start.  At the most basic level, accountability boils down to motive, or intention.  Intention that is made overt, aligned with desires, and acted upon results in accountability.

Accountability falls apart when intentions are not dealt with appropriately:

• when competing intentions hijack desired outcomes;
• when an intention to follow through is assumed instead of clarified;
• when ulterior intentions are assumed;
• when real intentions are held secret.

Closing channels holds others accountable.
Closing channels is one of the most powerful ways to clarify intentions, and make overt the ulterior motives that can interfere with accountability.  And, it sends the message to others that they can count on you to respond to the best intentions.  Each channel has only one true/best intention behind it.

Channel               Motive/Intention
Emotive                 To play and accept unconditionally
Nurturative           To care without strings attached
Requestive            To ask without expectations
Directive                To command without attack

When you close a channel enthusiastically, authentically, and sincerely – using all five behavioral cues for the complimenting part, you accept, and therefore make overt the best and true intention of that channel.  No guesswork.  No assumptions.  No ulterior motives.

For example, your partner opens the Nurturative Channel with “I love you.”  You close with a sincere and appreciative “Thank you!” using all five behavioral cues.  By closing the channel, you lift up the intention of caring without strings attached.  If this was not the other person’s intention, their bluff has been called by your response.  You have sent the process message, “If you use this channel, I will count on you to follow through with caring – taking you at face value.  If this is not your intention, don’t use this channel with me.”

The key message: Close channels. Be consistent, be authentic, take people at face value, and you will raise accountability with all those around you.

Learn how to open and close channels with all personality types by attending a Next Element Process Communication Model Seminar.

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“Earth to space, come in space…” Before you apply your Process Communication Model knowledge to conquering the world, how about starting with the most fundamental challenge in your life – responding to what is right in front of you.  The discipline of PCM is about mastering the art of taking people at face value, of “seeing them for who they are,” and honoring it.  Check out our interactive PCM website!

PCM offers tools for you to decode words, tones, postures, gestures, and facial expressions and adapt your approach to precisely compliment the receiver.  Doing this well will transform your patient satisfaction metrics, employee engagement scores, and lead to more fulfilling relationships.

First, learn to take people at face value.  Then let’s schedule a time to discuss changing the world!

Attend a Next Element PCM Seminar

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