Training The Dragons In Your Life: Lessons From An Unlikely Hero
“I don’t want to kill a dragon.”
At this moment, we know that Hiccup has discovered something special within himself. For most of the movie, the scrawny, misfit son of a Viking warrior has repeated the phrase, “I can’t kill a dragon,” as if he is a victim of his own weakness and character flaws. As How to Train your Dragon unfolds, however, we experience a moving story of choice, courage, and the true meaning of compassion. What can the unlikely hero in this movie teach us?
Lesson 1: When drama is the norm, insanity rules
A village five generations old, yet every building is new. Why? Because the dragons keep destroying the village, and the stubborn inhabitants keep rebuilding it. In the dance of drama, people assume the roles of Persecutor, Rescuer, and Victim. The Persecutor righteously attacks or blames others for his own problems. The Rescuer martyrs herself overdoing for others without empowering them; and the Victim accepts the abuse day after day as if it’s his destiny. All three roles play off each other, and recruit others to join the dance. Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. That’s the nature of Drama – lots of damage while nothing changes.
Lesson 2: Even good people (and dragons) do bad things
The Process Communication Model (PCM®) suggests that when people are not getting their inborn psychological needs met in healthy ways, they will attempt to get those same needs met in negative ways – which is called distress. Whether it’s a Viking father fearful that his son won’t make him proud as a dragon-slayer, or a toothless dragon who just wants a friend, we all can do some pretty damaging things out of desperation. How to train your dragon is a story of looking past the negative behaviors to the essential human needs beneath.
Lesson 3: Energy spent trying to control negative behavior is wasted
The entire identity and culture of the Viking clan is tied-up in defending against, and defeating the dragons. From elaborate books on the arsenals and ordinance of each dragon species, to dragon-slaying basic training, every waking hour is spent focusing on how to deal with negative attention behaviors. While his classmates are embroiled in gladiator-style trial and error, Hiccup discovers that attending to the authentic needs behind the negative behaviors of dragons increases his effectiveness and efficiency beyond what anyone else has imagined. Trying to control negative attention is fruitless.
Lesson 4: Cultures of Openness, Resourcefulness, and Persistence produce unlikely heroes
Hiccup makes the choice to respond openly, resourcefully, and persistently to the dragons. By opening himself up to the Night Fury, he creates a safe space for both to learn from each other, and gains the trust and protection of this feared dragon. He resourcefully applies his skills in new ways to make progress – for example, he uses his blacksmithing skills to craft a tail-fin prosthesis for his new friend. Rather than doing for the dragon, he assists the dragon in empowering itself. And, he persistently sticks with his new friend, Toothless, as they both learn how to fly with new appendages.
Lesson 5: Leveraging diversity can produce incredible results
For me, the final scene of this movie was the most poignant. As Hiccup awakes from the epic final battle, we realize he has lost his left leg. Then, we see that his blacksmith mentor has crafted him a cutting-edge prosthesis, already retrofitted to operate the system he originally built to help his dragon-friend fly. As the movie ends, these two imperfect beings are working together to compensate for their weaknesses and leverage their strengths. As others in the village come around, we see that they have made friends with, and learned to utilize the tremendous skills of the dragons to do good instead of harm. The Vikings have always been creative and dogged in their determination. The dragons have always been powerful. Finding ways to make these gifts mutually beneficial instead of mutually destructive was one of the most powerful lessons of the movie.
Lesson 6: Choosing compassion instead of drama takes courage and perseverance
Throughout the movie, Hiccup is ridiculed by his family and clan for being weak, stupid, and misguided. Yet he persists, realizing that while anyone can feel justified by doing the same thing they’ve always done, it takes much more courage to chose a new path. By dropping his knife at the moment he could have killed the most feared dragon of them all to become a hero in the Viking world, Hiccup chooses instead to find the connection between these two supposed enemies. By doing so, he changes the course of history for his village.
Choosing compassion instead of drama takes courage, and can reap benefits beyond your imagination. Make the effort today to learn new ways of relating to others, new ways of leveraging the diversity around you, and be a Hiccup in your world.