When the two of you met you spoke the same language, connected like hand in glove, and seemed to want what each other wanted.  Now, a decade and three kids later, you’re not talking much, conversations seem to escalate or go nowhere, and you’re frustrated that you and your partner are not getting your needs met in the relationship. At this rate, the future doesn’t look good.

Did you know that about two-thirds of adults will experience a shift in their personality during their lifetime? In the Process Communication Model (PCM) this is called a “phase change”. Sometimes phasing is caused by a crisis, sometimes from long-term distressing life conditions, sometimes even from events that have a lot of positives, like having children.

People who have phased experience a change in what motivates them, what type of attention they prefer, and how they can predictably sabotage even their most important relationships. This can significantly alter communication patterns and family dynamics. Often when couples are unaware of what’s happening, or don’t have the communication skills to adjust, relationships can break down and everybody loses.

The good news is that phasing doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker. Even though you are seeing some changes that look unfamiliar, many things are still the same, and positive potential is at your fingertips. Adjusting will take some new skills and new perspective. Couples that can learn new ways to motivate each other, communicate more effectively, and re-negotiate how they take care of themselves can reconnect at a new level and find renewed meaning and purpose in their lives.

So take heart. Making time to upgrade your relationship skills can unlock new potential.

Relate To Your Mate Couples Retreat – Tulsa, OK – July 24-26, 2009